Back In Paris

My first destination, as soon as I took my heavy bag to Eeva's place was - bien sur - Montmartre. The circus shop, to be exact... After getting (almost) all the necessary items, I ran around the small streets, looking for all the familiar places: where we celebrated getting our diabolos and did a small depressionism-graffity (which was gone, unfortunately); the corner of Marco's birthday and the garden that we used as a toilet :) All such wonderful memories, too bad that I'm all alone this time..
In the evening Eeva invited me to her friend's place for a dinner. It was in a cool apartment with a view on half of Paris (including the flashing Tour Eiffel), our company talked in half French, half Estonian. Anyway, it was great to see how people live in Paris. I must admit that at the beginning of my arrival I wasn't at all sure if I wanted to live here any more - it's all so huge and noisy and full of curious people. I guess I've got too used to the peaceful village-life in Strasbourg. After one day here I decided that I wouldn't mind living here for a while. In the end - this is The City of Central Europe!
This morning I had some difficulties finding motivation to get up and out. But beer did the thing: I went to Eevas work (which is the Estonian embassy, situated right next to Champs Elysées) because they had some Estonian beer left from their Christmas party. Then I decided to go and see a photo exhibition, but it was closed when I got there (never try to visit museums on Mondays ans Tuesdays!). Of course Eeva had given me instructions for more museums to see, but I gave up on that one and headed towards "our place of enlightenment" - Centre Pompidou. As soon as I got there, a nice bohemian-looking guy stepped up to me to promote some D.I.Y. books. His description sounded very interesting, so I bought one of the books, even though it's in French. The museum of modern art was most naturally closed as well, so all there was left to do was shopping. I remembered from the last time that all the coolest shops (and not too expensive) were around Pompidou and Les Halles and I was right! Of course, even if I would have had lots of money I wouldn't have shopped my brains out there, but it was nice to look around either way. There were a lot of piercing&tattoo shops with very pierced/tattooed salesguys; there were a lot of shirts with "anarchy" or "Nirvana" signs (woo-hoo); there were too many hip-hop/skater stores selling too large trousers and huge shoelaces. The most fascinatng shop I found was Doc Marten's where the customers could get some cool adjustments done to their new boots for a little extra money. Actually too much money, considering that any more or less artistic person could do it themselves.
*Some ideas for boot-owners: take an extra pair of boot laces (recommendably in cool colour) and tie them around the back of your boots, attaching them to the front laces. You can also use your imagination and attach different cloth (in the store they had different pieces sewn together, which looked pretty good) to the side of a boot, again using another pair of laces (just make enough holes in the cloth). Plus there is always the possibility to pull some strechy material over or tie things around the boots. It changes a bit their appearance and makes an old boring boot look more flashy, stylish and almost as new. I hope the tips were useful, just don't start doing these things for money!*
We all know how much energy shopping takes, so by the evening I was feeling quite tired and frozen. But sitting in the subway I decided to still go and see the Eiffel tower - purely out of guilt. I made my compulsory photos and sat down on a park bench to drink a bottle of A Le Coq when suddenly it started flashing again: the whole tower is covered with lights that nictitate like crazy assholes all over the place. I don't reccomend this sight to people with epilepsy! For some time I watched that huge christmastree syndrome from the reflection on my beer bottle, but soon I got too cold and bored, so I left as quickly as possible.
Now I am back in the a bit uheated but comfy Eeva's place. Tomorrow morning I will take my huge backpack and get on a bus to spend there a whole great day (24h), but I guess seeing Lisbon is worth all the suffering. Until next revisions, salut from Paris!

Smilers "Kõrvuni sees"

Weird French Stuff

I've been in France for long enough now to be able to comment on some of the typical or not so typical things that French people do/are:

The Meals

Breakfast normally consists of baguette (long bread), which you eat with butter and jam (we insisted for some cheese too); orange juice and coffee/tea. And on special days they give us croissants (which are way too sweet!).

Lunch they have at noon, it consists of at least three courses: salad or something light, then follows the main meal. The funny thing is that they often eat fish and chips, which is actually British. There always has to be some kind of meat in the meal (and most of the time it does not look like real meat). Third course (and that I find most bizarre) is cheese with fruit and/or a dessert. And of course coffee! I don't think I have yet met a frenchy who does not drink coffee. Addicts! The dinner is normally as large as the lunch, so in my opinion - French people really eat a lot, but they're all still slim as toothpicks! I don't get it!

The Shit

One of my readers just made a remark about Tallin being the town of dogshit. Well, I can say: definitely not! Seriously, it can be really difficult to avoid stepping into poop of different colours, substances and odours on the streets of Srasbourg! It's everywhere and nobody even considers cleaning after their dog! In fact - I'm suspecting that they let dogs "do their thing" right in the middle of the street on purpose, I have no idea why tho... It looks awful and it smells even worse! French people should learn from the Danish about their dog business!

Oui & Ouais

This one is for Maiu here. I remember how we were making fun of the French who said "ouais". It seemed to us like some down-sound (maybe because we first heard it from Ming) and ruining the beautiful French "oui"... Well, I must admit that I get the point of it now and really can't avoid using it myself daily. In order to explain to Miu: "ouais" is like the English version of "yeah", which I think is slang that became a part of everyday speech. Noone pays attention to it, not even me any more. Man, it would drive me crazy if I did!!! :)

Shopping Madness On Saturdays

Somehow French people have this (to me) weird habit to buy everything they need for the coming week on one day. Of course it is probably caused by other days being workdays and because everything is closed on Sundays. That one I still don't get! When will the Europeans understand that the best day for shopping is Sunday and the best time - a late evening!!! Sheesh!

La Bière

It seems that local people are quite proud of the famous Alsacian beer "Kroenenburg". I think they actually find it good! The only good thing about the tiny bottles is that they're easy to open and there's a little magical sign that appears when the beer is cold enough. But it tastes like nothing, or to put more correctly - like just a THING. In order to compare it is probably more or less like Frederik pilsner or President. That should say enough.

The Work

Does not seem to touch the French. Or at least that is the impression that foreign people often get here: they take their time doing things, take even more time enjoying their breaks and so on. Of course they would immediately argue on that one, but the fact that French people have an incurable habit to always be late is long proven and undeniable.

Noël à Strasbourg

Christmas spirit is in it's highest in France. At least for the locals or so it seems... They even changed the schoolbell to a "Jingle Bells" theme (no, actually it's not too horrible. I find it amusing :).
The city streets are covered with lights, there are concerts in every church and all the small and large squares have turned into lively Marché de Noël. Little downtown houses are overwhelmed by the campy-kitsch decorations. And in the middle of the city there is a huge Christmas tree, covered with millions of little lights. It all looks quite impressive, compared to what nordically modest Tallinn looked like!
Walking around town is extra nice at this time and I guess now is the best time for visiting Strasbourg. The markets are a sight on its own already because they sell all kinds of craftworks imaginable. There you can find jewelry, decorations, souvenirs, candies, teas, candles, clothing, books etc. And if it's too cold and you start feeling hungry then you can recharge your energy at a crepe-booth. Pancakes with any filling you could think of and a little vin chaud (hot wine) to make the blood flow again.
I try to profit out of it as much as possible and get some Christmas spirit into me. I even went to a concert yesterday. They were singing all the classical X-mas songs in a church. It reminded me of going to church on Christmas evening with my relatives when I was small. Aww, isn't that sweet! After that I got the compulsory cup of wine and made a little circle on the market. But still no sign of the real "spirit" that usually strikes me every year while doing gift-shopping... I guess it's because of the lack of snow and sentimentally romantic movies and crusty cold and - what I miss the most - verivorst (black pudding they call it)... I looked for it, but I guess I might as well go around looking for black bread or kohuke. French people, what can you do!
But before leaving to Lisbon (and that means switching to bread and canfood, not that I mind) I still plan to have a little festive Christmas dinner with me myself and I because one must retain the good-old traditions. And mind you my dear readers - a Christmas dinner ALONE is my tradition of several years now. I'm content!

And the song is very inappropriate for my current situation: "Let It Snow"

Unappreciated

This week I was supposed to organize "la semaine estonienne" (the Estonian week) at the K'fet. I had everything planned - presenting some general information; showing the jew's harp; degustating kama; listening to some music and teaching some Estonian words... I even wrote a little article for the weekly school paper... in French!!! The paper is called "Quoi de neuf?" (what's new?), it consists of one A4 paper full of the most important events of the new week and reflections on the last one. It is managed by our boss Olivier and the school's principle Mr Jermann. The title is in a different language every week, so this time it was supposed to be in Estonian, naturally.

So there I was, making last preparations for starting the week: putting together some photos and descriptions etc, when the paper arrived. Marvin was the first one to notice that my article was missing. He told me about it and when I stepped up to see I saw that even the heading is in some whatever-language. No sign about the Estonian week... I thought that maybe they misunderstood me and thought that it was supposed to be next week (even though I told them about it several times). I asked Olivier what's going on and he was like: "Oh right! I was just discussing what to put in the "quoi de neuf" with Mr Jermann yesterday and we completely forgot all about your week." Ahsoo. Well, fine! I'll do it next week then...

But as I thought about it a bit, it came to me. Usually it seems to me (although it might as well be just my imagination) that Olivier looks at me as though I was a lazy stupid bitch (like Anna) who never does or says anything. And this time, when I tried, when I really made an effort to do something on my own (which should never happen with an EVS volunteer) and by myself - he just ignores it, fucking FORGETS it! That just shows so much! How they really care for me being here, for trying to do something that makes the place a bit more interesting and educates the students, how they appreciate my work and so on. Thanks, Olivier, for letting me know that I'm just a pointless little shit in this place! That just makes me feel so much more motivated about my work!

Now I'm really angry. I think it was also quite obvious the whole day, but in the end it was only Roland who came to me and asked if everyhting's ok and said sorry. That pissed me off even more - why does Roland (who has nothing to do with the paper) have to feel guilty and apologize? And how come Olivier never said a word???

I hate this place, I hate my work, I hate the people who "give a damn"!!!

Psychoterror "sööge oma sitta"

Disreality

DAY 1: When I stepped into the train at about 8AM on a quiet Sunday morning, I had no idea what is waiting for me up ahead, so I was feeling a bit precautious about it. But the trip started really well - the picturesque train ride across frosty fields, filled with red light of the rising sun; foggy mountainslopes... Formidable! I arrived to Mâcon four hours before the get-together so I just aimlessly wondered around the town for a while, looking for a place where I could buy some beer. Instead of that I found an exhibition of Indian art... By the time I got back to the trainstation there were already some people waiting. Our young and sweet group leader Julie introduced me to others and we went to have some hot chocolate together. I was somewhat surprised because we were mixing French with English and nobody minded that at all (as I'm used to here). After 6PM we were finally taken to a small village that was to be our home for the week.

Now's the time when I should introduce the participants: Julie the groupleader (French of course), Julie ("the tractorist"), Eva, Caroline, Susanne (all three very nice and sweet girls) from Germany + Anna who was actually partly Russian (znachit svoja tak skazat - it was great to speak Russian again); 2x Joanna (both funny girls), Dominik (intelligent and talkative guy with his own world) from Poland; Sonia (extremely funny and honest), Montse ("the fatass", reminded me of a former classmate Gerda - always wanted to seem smart and be in the center of attention) from Spain; Vlad ("the cool guy" who talks a lot about nothing and doesn't get it when people laugh at him), Ela (very organisative, a future animatrice for sure) from Romania; Sonja (she really knows how to do everything, starting from cooking and finishing with helping cows give birth, doing everything with equal affection) - Austria; Maria - Slovakia; Tine (a funny and sparky girl/hestkuk who could really juggle) and Annbjorg (she looks like she has stepped out of one of Ilon Wickland's drawings) - Norway; Iveta (speaks practically no French), Ivars (deep guy), Elina (just too funny, i started laughing just by looking at her expressions and she has the great baltic sense of humor) - Latvia; Jan (probably the only one who actually got our "baltic" thing :) - Czech Republic.

The first impression of the people was great - we stayed up quite late, talking and getting to know each other. Everyone seemed very nice and sweet and friendly. I was very glad to be finally able to get away from Strasbourg and its pointlessness, to learn some new juggling tricks, to meet some cool people, to be able to actually communicate in French a little, to finally be a part of the whole EVS concept - the work, the fun, the people.. that had somehow passed by me until now.

DAY 2: Waking up was inspiring - I looked out of the window and saw brown vineyards on the mountain slopes, covered with grey fog and a lonely white pony on a hazy field in the dim glimmer of the dawn. From the early sleepy morning until noon we had to listen to a boring lecture about history of EU and different projects and so on. I didn't really listen and if I did - I didn't really understand. After lunch we all got on the bus and went to Mâcon where we visited a place called Cave de la Musique. It's some place where bands can send their music and maybe get to play there eventually and all the workers are volunteers.

After a brief tour there, we headed to a nearby old people's bar to have some beer. The rest of the evening was free and we bought 10 liters of wine to make it more fun. We stayed up very late again, learning and teaching diabolo-, juggling- and kiwido tricks; making plans of visiting each other; getting to know the others and so on. Swee-eet!

DAY 3: Started with another boring lecture about the French history and politics. It was followed by a small knowledge test, which our group failed miserably. Oh well! After that we did some art-action: scuplture, oil, drawing, the topic was French symbols. My group had to draw with charcoal (man, I hadn't done that in quite a while!) and it was fun. In the end I even got to help the other group a little with their oil painting. Lovely. After proudly presenting our masterpieces we all had an individual conversation with the animators about our projects and problems and so on. And during all this time we were also making our own little linguistic course, learning how to say different swearwords in as many languages as possible. (Hestkuk, aizveries jakli, pimpis, schwantz etc etc). Hestkuk (which is Norwegian by the way) became the main word of the week. I personally love the word 'cause you can use it for anything and at anytime. But it is best used as the beer toast ;)

DAY 4: This time we started off by making plans for our international meals that we were supposed to prepare on the last evening. I teamed up with Elina, Ivars and Iveta and we decided to make rosolje and baked apples (ahjuõunad). Another boring lecture followed, I don't know what was the topic this time... After that most of the guys went for a walk, but since I had seen the villages of Bourgougne before and know what they're like, I stayed in with Sonia and Elina just to lie around and listen to music. Then we had another lecture and some theatre action - our group (Elina, Tine, Ivars and Sonja) had to make two little scenes about the sending organization's rights and responsibilities. We made a marvelous scene, making fun of the s.o. malfunctions, but nobody got the joke (I don't know why - the pharting part was pretty obvious :S)... I guess it's the "baltic" humor that not many people get, but at least we had lots of fun!

After dinner we went to Mâcon again to play bowling, which I enjoyed even though I really sucked at it. I did get a strike once, but I was playing for Ivars at that moment. Bad luck. On our way back we discussed with Elina all the interesting intrigues that were going on between a number of girls involving the few guys of our group. It so happened that for example Vlad had somehow become quite popular and we were wondering who will he end up with. The conditions for some action were promising because there were two boxes of beer waiting for us.

And so we drank and talked, the company became smaller and smaller because one by one people went to sleep, but we still drank and talked. In the end there were just Jan, Ivars, Vlad (Iveta joined us again soon because she was going after Vlad) and me. I had a really fascinating conversation about everything in the world, mixed with making fun of Vlad and laughing at Ivars' jokes (he's seriously funny!). I got to bed after 6AM, but the night still seemed to have been too short...

DAY 5: Of course I didn't even bother to get up on time just to listen to another boring lecture! After lunch we drove to Cluny (I had waited to see it for so long and it's still as great as I remembered). There we had a little tour, looking at hestkuks and 3D projections of the old famous church. It felt a bit sad tho because I was so close to Taizé and I wasn't able to go there... Sigh. But on the other hand - Elina found 20 euros on the ground and although we were sure it belonged to someone from our group, we didn't say anything and bought some beer for it instead :)

After Cluny we headed to degustate some local wine. The whole place smelled like a bad hangover and the wine wasn't all that good either. We amused ourselves by pretending to know a lot about the smell, the texture and the taste (in a word - making fun of Vlad again).

After finishing our lovely probably-three-days-old dinner (the food was scary there and we had lots of laughs on account of it, so I couldn't really tell if my stomach was aching from the food or the cramps. For instance at one meal I found hair in my plate 3 times!), we played a little picture describing game, where they expected us to make it into a whole different thing on the cause of our cultural differences. It didn't really work.

The moon was full and very bright that night, which made walking in the dark and sneaking into a local church to enjoy some great masterpieces absolutely magical... Or should I say - enchanting... It's just really nice of the local people that they don't lock their church for the night! :)

DAY 6: Again some lectures, which - I don't even have to mention - weren't too interesting. After lunch they took us to Mâcon where we listened to some more not-so-interesting lectures. We also met a local volunteer who talked about her project. That was kind of funny for me and right after I told Elina about what exactly I do in Strasbourg, she found it very funny as well. Najah, actually it's sad, but since life is a flower, as we all know, it makes it easier to take things with humor. Especially while being far away from the reality...

When they finally gave us spare time on the city, we went to the shop and bought some beer. Still not really paying for it. By that time we had found out that it was Dominik's 20 euros so we generously offered some beer to him as well. Then it was dinner time and we all went to a "fancy" restaurant to eat. The food was funny again, but we were already used to it. Pas grave.

After getting stuffed, it was finally time to go to the Cave of Music to see a reggae concert. We had bought some beer with Vlad and Ivars (that is - technically Dominic bought us the beer), but it came out that we weren't able to smuggle it inside, nor did we have time to drink it. All we could do was put the bottles (I think there was about 13 of them) into the bushes and hope that the French teenagers won't drink all of it by the time we get back..

The gig wasn't too great simply because it was very reggae... So after a while of just standing there we decided to go and see if the beer was still there. Surprisingly enough - it really was! So we (Elina, Jan, Annbjorg and me) drank almost all of it, including most of Vlad's. We didn't tell him, but he didn't seem to care anyway so...

DAY 7: It finally hit me - the reality strike. I realized that I must leave the place and the people very soon to maybe never see them again, so I was feeling, what you could say, a bit sad. I ignored the last boring lecture, then we all ignored our last theatre assignment. After lunch we filled out a questionnaire, claiming that everything was perfectly great (including the food).

And finally it was cooking time. Unfortunately we discovered with the Latvians that there were no carrots (all used by the Spanish); no potatoes (which were taken by the Germans and which we stole back); the fish was wrong - instead of salted herring they got us smoked. Plus we had only one apple for our desert. Eventually we managed to make something out of nothing and I must admit - it wasn't the worst meal there :) After dinner we handed out our little presents 'cause each of us had drawn a random name and had to give something symbolic to the person. By a weird chance I got Vlad, so I gave him a bottle of his own beer that was left from last night.. (I know I'm mean, but what can I do!)

Our animatrice Julie had bought us four boxes of beer, which were opened almost immediately and therefor empty by 8PM. It's a good thing that we "put away" some of it for later. The bad thing was that Julie saw us do it... Anyway, to make a long fuss short: When we went to Vlad's and Ivars' room to drink the beer, everyone came up claiming "their share" and in the end Montse just took all our beer and yelled at us in her manly voice for a while, which was quite amusing. In the end everyone probably thought we had stolen all the beer and drank most of it, when all we did was just take our share. Luckily we still had the beer from last night, so we finished that one (hoping that we had managed to be the last ones with some drinks).

The last night was...well... I could say - unreal. I must admit that I still find it a bit hard to believe because the whole week was just so much more than I had ever expected! Everything that happened is quite difficult to put into words and describe. Not even very nesecarry I believe. But I can say that is was full of silence and laugther, irony, intellectual conversations and the full moon, loads of artwork and of course - probably the most important ingredient - dEUS...

DAY 8: Too sad to mention. Sitting on the train and watching the kilometers pass by, thinking of the growing distance between me and all the great people that I had met. And even worse - thinking about my stupid pointless work again... Sad. But still happy and very thankful for all that was and maybe will be. And now I'm back to reality... That's my depressionism.

dEUS "Disappointed In The Sun"

Hi from Mâcon!

We are here (21 EVS volunteers) for a little something and an internet pause...
I'll make it short cause I have no time: so far so good. Bad meals mixed with some lectures and on the other hand cool and fun people who have brought to me the real spirit of volunteering. It's great - I can actually communicate in French and if I can not no more, nobody makes faces if I change to English. In fact - there are some guys here that speak worse than me!!! I love this thing, it's inspiring. Where did I go wrong in Strasbourg I wonder...
Anyway I believe I will profit a lot from this session, meet new cool people and return a bit happier than before. And what really rules: we will go to a concert together AND visit Cluny. YAY!!! :D

Je suis trés contente!

My Own Private Nothingness

I just heard the following story:
Marvin was on the 5th floor (where all the volunteer girls live) with Madame Perrin (our so-called landlady, who takes care of our lodgment and catering and watches over us like an eagle and is shortly-put a tight bitch that everyone hates) to hand out the lunch money for this weekend. They knocked on everyone's doors, but no-one answered, so Marvin went downstairs. Suddenly he heard a key turning up on the 5th and found that a bit curious. He quietly snuck back upstairs and peeped over the corner and then he saw - Mme Perrin coming out of Keiko's room...
He also said that sometimes he leaves his room unlocked when leaving and a bit later, when he comes back, it's locked. Strange, huh?!

She has the keys for everyone's rooms here and apparently is also using them quite actively. That means that she has access to all my personal things, all my little "secrets" that I'd rather keep to myself (how often I clean or what pictures are hanging on my walls etc). She has free access to the only place that I can call my little private personal space here. And what if she's not just a tart old brawd, but also a kinky bitch who entertains herself by going through people's underwear and stuff!
And there's nothing we could do about it 'cause she's the boss here. I find this very disturbing!!!

The Concert

Was absolutely stunning!
The place (La Laiterie) was surprisingly small/ I expected something like Saku suurhall and all I got was a small Zelluloos - a bit ghetto-like, but the cooler.
The show started with a young French rockband Asyl. All I can say about the band is that they were Muse/Placebo-wannabes and two of four guys are probably gay. The drummer was on the top tho - knew how to play his stuff and had this cool punkrocker look (bony but muscular), yum. :) What was really annoying was that they did a 30 minute pause after each band and that was the boring part of the whole thing.
After a while of waiting they were finally on stage in all their glory - the great and legendary - The Stranglers. I had no idea what to expect from them because I hadn't ever actually listened to their music before. They were really catchy even though I recognized only a few songs. The Stranglers as a band is older than I am, so that makes Paul Roberts (the singer)... well, let's just say "over forty" (cause "old" is such an ugly word) and he looks so GOOD! His chest, sixpack, tattoos, clothes, his stage presence...mmmmm! At the end they were called back twice and did four extra songs, which is great, it shows that they don't have the whole "superstar"-act. I know, I know, you're all dying to know... Yes, they did play "Golden Brown" and to me it was the best song of the set :)
But the concert wasn't over yet - there was still on band to play and to my surprise, most people were really anticipating for it. It was an absolutely unknown name to me and I had no idea what they were all about. When Daniel Darc finally came on stage I was a bit shocked by the looks of the singer: short, balding and had the air as if he was very much "on" something... The second thing I noticed was the drummer - extra nice, I would even say - my personal favourite out of all the men who were on the stage that evening! I didn't know what to think of the music after the first song for I was still a bit confused by what was going on on the stage, but I got over it pretty soon. Daniel Darc is the best thing I have seen/heard for a long time!!! I seriously fell in love with their music! Especially touching was their last song when the singer just took a sequent from the bible and read it (as much as I understood it was the "As I walk through the valley of the shadow..."-part) while the band was playing hypnotical rhythms... It just got to my bones, it was sooo good! The people were crazy about them, yelling "encore" so they had to come back twice, but it still wasn't even nearly enough!
As a conclusion: yeah, The Stranglers were good, BUT - I wanna see Daniel Darc again!!!!!! I hope I will have the chance. In the meanwhile - I'm raiding music stores...

Le Salon

In other words - our kitchen and livingroom, containing dining tables, two fridges, a microwave, a sink, a stove, a sofa and a TV. This place really reminds me of squat-life in Köpi. Here's why:

First of all the floor and everything else in this room is obscenely dirty. We have a sign above the sink, saying "please wash your dishes and put them into the cupboard". Not that anyone really reads it. To be honest - I don't even risk to dry the dishes right after washing 'cause the towels are dirty and stinky. So are the washing sponges. There's probably some forms of life inside them, I'm sure...

They close the water very often in this place because of repair works and afterwards you have to let it flow for about five minutes so it would stop being brownish in colour (for visual proof see the glass next to the boiler). If I want to wash the dishes with warm water I probably have to wait for it to flow even longer. The water is very coarse here and I clean the kettle all the time from the huge lumps of scale in the bottom of it. Our stove is electrical, which means not too good, plus it's all rusty and you can't see the numbers on the switches any more (I had to just guess before I got it right). We don't have any mugs or normal size glasses (everything is max 2 dl) and there are some small pieces and shards missing from most of the plates. Recently we ran out of sugar. One of the lamps doesn't work, so we are forced to cook in the darkness.
The walls in the salon are covered with yellowish wallpaper, which has become quite black in some places. We asked if we could repaint it, but were not allowed so we just covered the walls with huge drawing paper and painted on that. Now we have orange-yellow amateur art hanging on the walls. Well, it's better than before (see the background of the pic).

Our miserable corner-sofa is blue (or at least used to be), extremely old, full of concavitys and stains, it doesn't really hold together any more and I can't say it's too comfortable. We found a needle sticking out from it a few days ago. The television remote control works from eminently close distance only; the older than ancient VCR (that couldn't even read semi-speed recorded tapes) gave up on us in the middle of a movie and has not recovered. I think we lost it...

Of course there are also nice things about our livingroom: it's a place where we can all sit together sometimes and watch TV or cook. The fridges seem to still function and that's a good thing! I just hope we won't loose the second lamp because the evenings are getting very dark these days... :)

1000!

I must admit I'm rather impressed! People have clicked to open my little blog for a thousand times!!! It's not a small number, huh :)

And although judging by the comments, there are maximum five people who visit this place more or less regularly, it's still nice to know I have readers, very honoring really... Thanks for being interested in stuff I write guys!!!
In order to give me some more inspiration - drop me a line or two more often, let me know you are there and my counter isn't just overexaggerating things! Maybe there is something special you would like me to write about or whatever? All propositions are welcome ;)

Now in order to celebrate the impressive four-digit number I drink beer today: we visited the brasserie (brewery) of Heineken and after "degustating" as much as possible, got some more from the supermarket. It's a party tonight and tomorrow is a day-off. To share at least an itsy-bitsy part of my better-than-usual mood with you, I will now publically reveal my political standpoint... right HERE. Enjoy and keep those comments coming!!!

Smilers "Nali ja naps"

Lost In A Purple Desert...

и штож остается?
читать? мы читаем.
петь песни, дурачится?
и это есть все.
мы музыку слушаем,
в парке гуляем
покажется, мол штож им нужно еще?
што надо? единых по духу и мысли
не то мы свихнемся, я богу не лгу!
ведь если уж без придчины смеемся
штоб только заполнить в душе пустоту...

[a pertinent poem, written by my mom]

What I miss most here are the people with whom I could have an intellectual conversation and theorize about all kinds of philosophical issues, but unfortunately I haven't met anyone of that kind yet. I will bring a simple examlpe to demonstrate my discomfiture: out of the six other international volunteers here, only one (Diana, a Spanish girl) has read "The Lord Of The Rings" and she did it when she was eleven so she probably didn't catch the whole idea anyway. Maybe it is not an indicator of someone's intelligence, but at least it shows that I have a whole different world from these people and can't really relate to them. We have nothing in common. My desperate searches for friends outside Lucie Berger have failed miserably so far...
If any of my readers now want to tell me: "You are being so stupid and wining for no reason. Your life is as you live it, make it happen!" I could not agree with you less. In my opinion life just happens, we can make our choices but not make anything happen by ourselves. It's the luck or faith (as Gandalf put it) that takes us to places, to people. Of course it is possible to make an acquaintance with a desired person, but meeting someone like that at first would help a lot...

I can't help questioning my choices time after time, although there must be a reason for me to be here, I know it! But it can be quite sad (not to say depressing) to think about the next eight months here without any soulmates with whom I could discuss the floweresness of life or God's humor, nor work out any secret theories or revolutionary plans. I will have become a social idiot by the time I'll get out of here. What's the use of knowing French if I can not communicate any more?

First signs of degradation: a few days ago I was coming out of a shop when I suddenly heard someone speak Estonian. A man and a woman were discussing something right two meters away from me. I was so stunned to hear my dear mothertongue that I couldn't even think of anything to say to them (yeah, I know - "tere" would have been good for starters :). Besides, they noticed that I was staring at them and seemed to feel unnerved by that. The situation was so unbelievable to me that I just started laughing instead of telling the couple that I'm their fellowlander. They probably felt even weirder after that, so I just decided to walk away. It was funny. Maybe I should have talked to them? But I don't think it would have been too long of a conversation anyway...

By the way, I finally had a chance to talk to the monks and I must admit - it was a disappointment. They can't speak English very well (ok, that's forgivable). But they had no idea of Estonia nor even Finland! The lamest part was when the monk started telling me which countries are expensive and which are not. Maybe I'm overreacting, but I seriously would have expected more from a Tibet monk than chatting about the food prices. Sheesh! I must mention that the Taizé brothers are much better interlocutors as far as I've experienced. But I'm sure that all the great and interesting monks stay in Tibet. Too bad

It's also a shame that my most productive conversations continually take place through the internet and not here, face to face. Of course I'm glad that at least I have that possibility, but it's never the same. I'm still considering the ultimately desperate add-idea... I just need "my kind of people" here, someone I can relate to, someone who would understand me and share my ideas. In the meanwhile I noticed that I'm developing a wider inner world to where I escape whenever I don't feel like taking part of these French conversations and relations. I'm wandering around in my world, but I can't find any comrade conspirators here. Where are you???

Bad Apples "Can't Find A Way"

Pissed Off As Hell Every Thursday

And the reason is our weekly French class, or rather - our teacher Marc Peter. He looks like a crazy professor: grey curly hair flowing around his scalp, big moustache in the middle of a reddish face, little glasses and no eyebrows. And crazy he drives me indeed I must say. From the first lesson we had with him he labeled me in his head to be a hopelessly stupid person. I assume the touchstone was the way I look, there's no other explanation. And of course because I don't talk a lot (that's the old French mentality - if they don't speak French, their definitely stupid!) He is also quite eager trying to make me see how stupid I am by asking me if I understood about every simple word (things like poire or satire etc) and then starting talking about something way too difficult for me (the future tense for example) as if it was the most natural knowledge imaginable.
He is a great fan of the Oriental countries, which means that he is very much into Xian-Yan and hearing stories from her, anything she says about her homeland is pure gold to him and every week he finds some Chinese topics to discuss. The last class was all about some famous Chinese mountains and famous Chinese photographer who took pictures of the mountains. Finally we also got to something completely different - the traditional Japanese (also very popular in China, of course) haiku. We were reading some of them and Mr Peter gladly explained Anna the basics and meanings of haiku (of course she didn't know! And he simply loves to show off with his superior knowledge). Since I am so dumb, he felt that he must try and MAKE me talk in order to teach me something, so he asked me to tell about one of the poems. It was something about peeling a pear and watching the juice on the knife. I was really pissed off because he was forcing me to talk and even worse - talk about something as pointless as that. So I said: "Why?" letting him know what I thought of his fascinating topic. Then he proposed I could at least tell about something else - my vacation. That was better, I started talking how I went to Germany and what was cool in Berlin... And then his great "look at me I'm smart and you're not"-ego burst out, he interrupted me and gave us a long monologue on probably everything he knows about Berlin. That did it for me: first he teases me by asking "did you understand?" (me and not Keiko who probably didn't), then he makes me do unreachably difficult grammar exercises (me and not the smart Germans who can), forces me to talk about stupid pointless shit and on the top of all interrupts me when I finally do try to talk.
So after all that crap I just sit and sulk in his class, look out of the window and don't even bother although I know I should. When he asks me to do something, my brain gets jammed and I'm not able to think any more so I say I can't although I could if I would concentrate. But I can't. Even if I try to take myself together and think, disregarding the fact that my brain is half-paralyzed because on one side I feel his unnerving pressure and on the other side the impatience of smarter Germans. Mostly they don't arrive to wait until I get it right. So - if he asks me to talk I usually say nothing and Marvin answers for me. He really knows how to work it with my nerves too - I feel like crying and screaming and running out of the room every time he forces me into something. I feel like kicking his "face" with my iron boots every time he asks if I understood something so obviously simple... It's like a horrifying school déjà vu and he is a mixture of all the teachers I ever disliked!
All my motivation to learn French has gone down the drain. I hate him and his class; the fact that I am unable to learn anything there nor skip it.

Marilyn Manson "Fight Song"

This Happens To Be One Of My Pickings

I've been drinking for a week now. Rainar and Karl were here, we bought a 5-liter wine in order to celebrate and they left me here with about a half of it. So I've been busy lately. Of course there's still a lot left cause it's a really cheap and bad wine ("peet") and to be able to pour it down my throat I must mix it with water or cola... But I don't mind, I actually think it's kind of amusing to be drinking that shit all the time...
Tomorrow is the end of my happy relaxing vacation and I am forced to go back to the neverending noise, the pointlessness of being, to the students and my co-workers and I really really really don't feel like doing that. Maybe it is also one of the reasons why I've been pouring in the wine. And I ain't gonna be bothered by the insignificant work-factor (we already have a new wine-shopping scheme with Marvin). Because me not care! Selfdestruction policy. Maybe it's my cry for help? ...Hmmm... NOT!!!

Oh, and could someone please hurry up and abduct Anna? Or at least change her brain for a Marsian one? Pretty please?? Maybe that would make her a bit more tolerable. She's been practicing a new song now and I just hope it won't make me hate Depech Mode (the song is "Enjoy The Silence") because I kind of liked their music so far... Today I was wearing my new transparent lip spike and as soon as she noticed it she asked: "Oh, you have a new piercing! When did you do it?" Well fuck me! I have been here for two months and she just saw it??? That one rings a bell: an ugly flash-back of a girl I used to hate back at school...

One more thing I wanted to write about is that there are some Tibet monks staying here, in this school until the end of November. I'm not sure why exactly are they in Strasbourg, but their presence adds a nice holiness to the place, you know - them hanging around with their red robes and all. I wouldn't mind having a word with them but me be shy as you all know. Anyway, what is a pick-up line for a monk? "So you guys like don't do it at all or like what?" (?)

I have been wondering around town these last few days, looking for a friend, but no luck. Why can't they just grow on trees or come "gratuit" with the wine or something? Why can't it be as easy as that? Or maybe I'm not doing it right? Perhaps I should put up an add: "A lonely girl looking for a friend in Strasbourg. Gender and age do not matter, as long as you are cool, funny and friendly. Being an artistic/bohemian beer-lover with a dog wouldn't hurt; preferably with some English
skills. If you are interested in NS or just looking for sex, don't call." That might work. I mean - I would answer to an ad like that, wouldn't you? Yeah, ok, I know I'm desperate.
I just want to get rid of the feeling that I'm in a wrong place with the wrong people, doing the wrong thing. After all - I do like this sweet little town. I wish there was someone to share it with. That's all.

dEUS "Hotellounge"

My Work

You want to know what EXACTLY is my work? Well, you asked for it! I'll try to describe it:

At 8 AM I go downstairs from the building where I live, cross the school yard (which is filled with noisy students of all ages) and step into the "K'fet" which is in the building across (I can see it from my window). K'fet is a room with tables and chairs, a music centre and a bar. It is for the lyceeée students (age 16-18) and Perm (Permanence) is for college students (11-15). There is a door between two rooms, which is almost always open, but younger students are not allowed to go to the other side. The bar stretches all the way between two rooms.

So, I'm in. I put my stuff away, help others to lift the chairs from the tables and usually stay behind the bar for a while. "Read" the newspapers (that means pretend to read - see through the weather forecast and pictures), make myself some tea etc. The class starts and some students come in. Usually there are 15-30 students at the Perm, 40 on a bad day and 50 in my nightmares. Sometimes there are just a couple of them (we all wish it would always be that way). They come to the Perm because they don't have a class at the moment and they are not allowed to stay in the school yard, not mentioning leaving the place. Here they can do their homework, socialize and play different games. I have to stay around and keep an eye on them. If they want to take a game I make sure that they give their card and inscribe into a special notebook and that they put the game back properly afterwards. I have to make sure it's not too noisy and that noone leaves the Perm or does anything forbidden and when the class is over I must see to that they leave the place nice and tidy. At 10 AM, when the recess starts, two of the animators go out on the court and sell bread and croissants, the others sell chocolates and drinks inside. There are only certain hours when the students are allowed to buy something from the K'fet (for instance chocolate bars only at 10 AM and 4 PM).

So, every hour I stay in the K'fet/Perm (the older students don't need supervision because they don't have the strict rules) and watch the pupils talking, playing and so on. Mostly I ignore it if they make too much noise because I don't want to be the one screaming at them. But actually I am expected to socialize with the students and let them know I'm there "in order to gain respect from them" as Roland and other permanents put it. Blah. To make the time pass quicker I read my books or write, listen to music and learn my new French words. Or we play board games (like Uno; Jungle Speed; Rummy; Camelot etc) with the other animators or sometimes with the students. It helps to keep away the boredom for a while.

At noon there is a one-hour luncbreak. The students can either eat in the school diner, go out (home or wherever) or buy some junk food in the K'fet. The usual menu consists of sandwiches, hot dogs, pizzas, waffles and salad. At that time my job is to see that everyone cleans up after eating, some permanent animators help the "lunchlady" to prepare and sell the sandwiches. Sometimes I help someone to "do the gate", which means we stand at the door and check special exit cards (carte de sortie) of the students to make sure that only the ones who are authorized to get out will leave school.

At my one-hour break I usually crawl up to my room and try to relax from the neverending noise by listening to music or just sleeping.

If I work until 6 PM (Tuesdays and Thursdays) then I have to (or ask the students to) wipe the tables clean, lift the chairs again onto the tables, change the trash bins, turn off the music system. There are only a few people left by that time and it's quite quiet, but still nothing to do..

And that's how it goes day after day. Sometimes I accompany some boys when they want to play basketball or football to the sports court or some girls who are preparing their dance acts for PE class. That means I watch them play or dance. That's it. Just because they are not allowed to go anywhere on their own. Sometimes we also separate the students if there are too many at the Perm, by dividing them in two groups and taking the shoolwork-doing half upstairs to the 4th floor where they can work in peace (but also under a strict surveillance). And if someone is doing an atelier at a certain time of the week (for instance - Steffi is making little candle-lamps by painting glass jars) then they can ask if anyone is interested in that and then also go upstairs with them and do the atelier until the class ends. I don't feel I'm up for that at all because it seems so pointless and I couldn't interact with the students anyway nor answer their questions etc.

Every Sunday, one of the international volunteers must work in the K'fet for an hour, selling stuff to the poor students who have to drag themselves to school on weekend.

Wednesday is sort of a shorter day here, in order to make up going to school on Sundays. We only have to work at 10, selling sweets. But that doesn't mean it's a day off. Oh no! I still have to get up early because we have a team reunion from 8 to 10, where we just sit all together, the others drink lots of coffee and talk lots of pointless crap and everyone must say something about the passed week. It's basically all about discussing inexistent problems, like: "this boy is still behaving badly and has no respect [oh, they just love the "respect"-thing!] for the animators, what must we do?". That is also the time of asking questions and coming up with new ideas about the ateliers and so on. I did that a long time ago. Nothing changed... From 10 to 12 we either have a volunteers' reunion with our tutor Eric or we stay at the K'fet and do nothing, unless of course there's a credible reason why we can't stay. The only time of the week when I can actually sneak out of working.

Sounds like whole lot of fun, doesn't it!?! Maybe there's a volunteer among my dear readers who wants to come and take the thing over 'cause I'm starting to feel a bit sick and tired, fed up, unmotivated, unappreciated, degenerated, bored and all those other things I'm feeling...

Conquering The Staid Germany

There is a documentary film festival going on in Leipzig and two of my friends are also there, presenting their spectacular work, so I packed my stuff to go and see them.

DAY 1: I wake up early in the morning to catch a bus to Kehl and take the train. Two changes: in Offenburg and Frankfurt (yay! I have theoretically been to Frankfurt now :). The last part of the trip was exhaustingly long. But the last two minutes were the worst though...

But I'm finally in Leipzig - there is a "welcome committee" waiting for me at the station with bratwurst and Becherovka (some alcohol). The situation is very funny and I'm glad to meet my friends after a long while again. We hurry on to the cinema, where their film is being shown 'cause they have to present it and answer some questions, I'm supposed to be their interpreter (not that they need one or anything). On our way there they tell me that they have become infamous among the film-festival people and everyone is whispering: "Have you met the two Estonians already?"... I'm not surprised, considering their festival traditions... these guys are just crazy! We try to watch a movie together, but it doesn't pan out too well. A lot of distractions. We take my baggage to the hotel and after that go to a party where they give free food and drinks and there are loads of important documentary-people. My friends ask every girl they meet to show them her belly-button, but are almost always refused. Non of us really ever understood why...

DAY 2: Let's start the day by getting the eggs roll (that means having breakfast in the hotel). There is some stupid pointless panel forum taking place this morning where the guys have to participate as well to give more comments on their film and answer more questions... I am again forced to be the interpreter, which means I sit behind a table with a bunch of film-people in front of an audience and do nothing (there was no need for my translation skills). Pheew, that one went well. I bet they were all wondering what the hell is that red-headed girl doing there :) Tired of being in the centre of attention and interrogations and having to listen to a whole bunch of pointless crap, we grab a few wines and go to enjoy somewhat more primal culture: to the zoo! But seeing a flock of horny macaques finally does it for us. We head to eat an absurd Chinese duck and then back to the cinema again. A diligent German security guy refuses to let me in even though I am The Indispensable Interpreter of the Estonian delegation. After having a word with the bosses he finally comes to his senses and I'm in da house...

Let the closing ceremony of the festival begin: lots of speeches; giving out awards; one girl started crying on the stage; I'm sleepy; award to some handicapped guy; he plays cello and everyone are oh so touched; more awards for the disabled guy; I'm still feeling sleepy; they bring on the orchestra... what happened next I do not know because I was sleeping. Oh well... Afterwards there's a closing party with free food and drinks. Food is great, but give me more alcohol! I find myself suddenly dumped by my friends who are all consolidating relations with the important film-people. I decide to check out the cool-looking photographer. He is fun to hang out with for a while (I wish I could remember what we were talking about, it seemed an interesting conversation :S). When I get back together with my friends it comes out that they have not been wasting time in the meanwhile - they had noticed an award lying around without any invigilation or any owners what so ever. So they just shoved it into their bag. Unfortunately we still had to give away the stolen prize. Too bad. It would have been a good souvenir :)

DAY 3: Tired and hungover. We leave the hotel and Leipzig behind to see what's new in Berlin. Our hostess there is a girl we met at the festival, she was very nice. We wonder around the city that is - as they say - known to be the metropolis of underground culture and find nothing interesting. Eventually we do come across a kino-bar situated in an old squat-looking house where you can see experimental videos that are projected on a huge white wall across the yard by just looking out of the window. Not a bad idea. I also wanted/planned to meet my friend Joe whom I met this summer, but after long wondering on town, everyone is way too tired to go anywhere but to sleep. Sorry Joe!

DAY 4: I'm more tired than ever and now I must leave. Goodbyes. Long trainride. Finally back in rainy Strasbourg. I kind of wish I would have gone back to Tallinn instead with my friends. Seeing people I know makes me feel a bit homesick. But as Johnny Rotten once said: whatcha gonna do about it...

mu armas depressioon (viimase kahe päeva märkmeid)

/.../ 27 tundi ja kümme minutit veel jäänud töötada. Njah, olen omadega juba niikaugele jõudnud, et loen tunde nädala lõpuni, sest siis tuleb õnnis vaheaeg. On alles esmaspäev... Jama seisneb aga selles, et kui ma juba tunde loen, siis ei tähenda see head. Tähendab, et see töö ei ole minu teema - see hakkab ennast ammendama. Täielik tüdimus on tulekul ja sealt pole kaugel ka masendus. /.../ Ma pigem vedeleks oma mõnusalt vaikses toas, vahiks lakke ja naudiks kordki rahulikku üksindust...

/.../ Olen laisk, mis teha. See on juba ammu tõestatud fakt, et mulle ei istu graafikupõhine töö: ole kohal kell 8:00; paus ühest kaheni; lõpetad sekundipealt kell kuus. Mõttetu! Oleks siis töögi huvitav.. või no vähemalt enamat kui vaimselt mittemidagipakkuv. Tahan teha midagi loomingulist, tahan valida ise, kellega ja millal täpselt töötan. Magada kümneni, võtta asja stressivabalt ja tegeleda loominguga peale päikeseloojangut. Või vastupidi... Tahan, et mind ümbritseks inspireeriv seltskond (mu kallid sõbrad!) Tahan teha midagi, millel on nähtav (või vähemalt a i m a t a v) tulemus! Tahan tunda liikumist, progressi... õppida, õppida, õppida! Aga seda mitte igavates tundides/loengutes vaid töö käigus, suheldes inimestega jne. Tahan liiga palju? Tahan võimatut? Hmm... ehk tõesti. Aga kuskil on ju ometi keegi, kes teeb nii. Miks ei võiks minagi? Kohe praegu, mitte kunagi tulevikus. Ma ei usu sellesse enam - homme EI OLE parem! Miks, miks ei võiks juba täna parem olla? Homset pole ju olemas, sest see on alati homme. Niiet ma tahan TÄNA! Tahan kohe praegu midagi paremat, mõttekamat, lõbusamat. /.../

Mul on stress: olen vihane ja väsinud, ma ei talu seda kohta, ma ei talu neid inimesi. Olen vangis. Talumatu. Ärge tulge minu lähedale, ärge küsige, miks ma alati nii tõsine olen! Miks peab vangilt nõudma naeratust? Või on siin nende arvates lõbus?
1 tund ja 26 minutit veel. Tänaseks. 20 tundi ja 25 minutit veel. Selleks nädalaks. Seitse nädalat on möödas, 29 tuleb veel. Ma ei pea vastu! Kerin mõttes aega edasi: vaheaeg, Andres, Tolk, Berliin; Rainar; sessioon novembris; Kribu, jõulud Lissabonis... Selle aasta lõpuni veel elushoidjaid on... Ja siis? Kunagi tuleb suvi, tuleb! Ma ei tohi projekti katkestada! Appi!
Meenub sarnane situatsioon sellest suvest, ainult tookord ei hoidnud mind kinni ükski ületamatu asjaolu. Bougival: töö, masendus, elu mõttetus ja sellest pääsemine. Totaalne vabadus. Kus on mu vabadus nüüd? Kus on Vilbur?
Ma olen nii väsinud... nii-nii väsinud...
Depressioon...

Tired But Happy

Today I thought it's been too long since I hadn't gone abroad. So I took my bike and went to Germany, to Kehl to be exact (doh, where else in Germany could I go by bike, Berlin!?). It is a pretty long ride, but considering the fact that we (Maiu, Rainar & me) walked the same distance in August carrying our dreadfully heavy sacks, it was a rather nice little outing. And it was fun to see familiar places that brought back memories of our great trip: the road that was under construction (and still is); the bridge, under which we finished our Taizé pasta leftovers; the place where we tried to hitchhike with no luck for quite a while; the sign that said there is one more kilometer until the German border, when I thought I couldn't walk another step; the Pont Europe with a poem by Kaplinski (I was too tired to read it back then); the stone where we rested and poured some ice tea on it... Oh, those were the days. I suddenly felt really sorry I didn't have to go to Karlsruhe or Baden-Baden at the moment. It felt like I could leave my bike by the road and just go... Oh well.
The actual reason for my trip was that I had to buy a train ticket because I'm going to Germany the next weekend. It was the most expensive train ticket I have ever bought and that's just because I'm afraid to get lost in a 15h/6 changes-trip that would have cost me three times less. Najah. After getting rid of my money I went to the European park where there are lots of playgrounds for kids and also posts with the colours of every EU country's flag. There I sat down for a while, drank the cheapest beer (in order to celebrate my ticket or something like that) and see-sawed right between Estonian and Finnish posts. And suddenly it felt as if home is not so far away after all...
Speaking of which: yesterday I received the second package from home. It was rather heavy and contained lots of goodies. I must admit - unpacking the bottle of Originaal brought a little tear of joy to my eyes... It's just so beautiful!!! Now I am waiting for a special occasion to open it because I don't want to "waste it". And the sweetest thing ever is that mom sent me some home-made pickles :). Now I'm happy because I have my beer, my ticket, my friends (somewhere out there), my books and some more mail coming from home. Who needs money anyway!?!

Coldplay "The Scientist"

I'm Addicted

I'm doing pretty good, thanks for asking! Never mind the weather (it's getting colder here).
This Tuesday I finally took together all my courage and went to talk to the coolest guy in school. He plays the Devil Stick very well and I told him I'd very much like to learn it too. So he let me try it a bit and promised to teach me some stuff. And I'll teach him Diabolo because there will soon be a huge juggling-diabolo atelier started by me and Steffi (huge because I heard that a lot of people are interested in it). And the same evening, one of the students showed me the trick for juggling with three balls, which I thought I could never possibly learn. But inspired by the starting atelier I took myself together and practiced, practiced, practiced and - believe it or not - I'm starting to get it! Now I'm addicted to the balls (besides my Diabolo), plus I discovered that they have the whole circus equipment here with balls, diabolos, devil sticks, other juggling stuff and an unicycle (!). And I'm going to learn how to use all of them!!! I think that this is it - the purpose of my voluntary year, not some youthwork-blah or filmmaking with lousy programs (that one I'd rather do when I get back home) :)
Yesterday evening all the animators were invited to Olivier's place for a friendly dinner. It was lots of fun because most of the guys I work with are really great. We ate some typical Alsacian food and drank a lot, talked and laughed. Keiko was pretty drunk by the end of the evening and Steffi was laughing non stop (I just love the way she laughs - it's so funny and catching). That made everyone else laugh too, so all of us had abdominal cramps and tears bursting from eyes about every two minutes. We should do these things more often! It seems to me that we're all starting to get along better and Strasbourg is becoming homier to me. And that is a good thing.
Today I got a package from home, which means stuff (I love stuff:) AND - Tiina candies!!! Jay! If I'm lucky, I'll get one more package tomorrow and that one is even better, cause it contains nothing less than Saku Originaal! I can't wait to even just hold it in my hands... Mmmm...
And after one week we will have the school vacation! And that's just the best thing ever because I'll finally get to rest a bit, which will definitely not mean sleeping and doing nothing. I'd rather say it is promising to be an active recreation - meeting people combined with maybe some traveling and drinking and definitely party-party-party! :D Sounds pretty damn nice to me.

Here's a little question to my dear readers: at some point I will have to make a traditional Estonian meal for the other volunteers here (we already had Chinese, German and Spanish). Give me some easy-tasty-cheap ideas please! Desert is mandatory!

And the song that might be actual at the moment is Smilers "Sinust ma mööda ei saa" but from the other gender's point of view ;)

I don't want to say anything mean, but...

Remember I mentioned about Anna being boring? Man was I wrong! I'd rather say ignorant, stuffy, inficete, nerd-pedant who just REALLY needs to loosen up a bit, stop thinking, trying to be nice (perfect even) and start living. Ah, hell! She just seriously needs to get laid :D
She's become the new subject for me and Marvin since the stupidity of Keiko is not all that amusing any more... Anna is so moral, boring, way too nice, boring, naive and did I mention boring! She's nineteen years old and has no idea of life. When we were having dinner together she didn't know how to eat shrimp nor what is soya sauce (that's just a crime for a person who's trying to be healthy). She didn't know what's tango like or what is the point of yoga. She always asks these annoyingly stupid questions like: "Yoga is a part of Buddhism, so can I do it if my religion is different? I guess God will forgive me, or what do you think?" or: "Would it be normal if I would kiss a guy that I don't really know and don't want a relationship with?".
Anna is the reason why I'm beginning to see what Xavier ment by the "German sence of humour". So far, the people I've met have contradicted the general belief, but her... A few days ago she said: "I often make jokes, but somehow noone laughs? I wonder why. It's probably because of the language..." Ha-hah! I had to really clench my teeth not to laugh and say that it's just cause she's German :D
She hasn't done anything in her life; it seems as if she's just lived in a cocoon of wellbeing; dreaming of clouds, flowers and unicorns. I have no idea how she got here, considering her inexistent level of independence! I suspect that her plan was to get away from home and throughout the year become a new person - from noone to someone. And she's trying so hard! She is a healthfreak ("you shouldn't eat junk food!"); a nature-saver ("don't waste so much water while washing dishes!"); a nerd ("do you need any help?"); a religious-wannabe (see the Buddhism-part) and a veeeery moral good little girl. But it is obvious that she's sometimes helplessly trying to change, to be a "bad girl": using inappropriate swearwords, going to parties, considering kissing random guys (omg!) etc - I know a cry for help when I see one.
In September she fell in love with some guitar playing guy, they met on her first EVS session, so now she's trying to learn how to play it too. Which basically consists of her playing the same song (Portishead "Roads") over and over and OVER again. It seems just so absurd that she has no idea of anything related to guys: she has asked Marvin for "manly advice", sort of confided into him, telling about her inexperience. Things like: "what's kissing like?" or "what's it like to be in a relationship?"... She has never even been to a nightclub and once she asked me if I could do her make-up sometimes before going out 'cause she - surprisingly enough - doesn't know how to. She probably had never even tasted alcohol before coming here... The poor child!
Sounds unbelievable? It is! And very disturbing too. But today she conclusively put herself into my "black list". Here's why: I got back from my night trip at about 11AM, tired and headachking, dreaming of a few peaceful hours in bed. As soon as my head touched the pillow she started practicing her violin and although she plays it better than the guitar, repeating the same damn thing 57 times and playing the same notes for 2,5 hours is tedious even without a hangover! Any ideas on what to do with her?

Oi? No thanks!

Today I'm having a bit of a hangover. Yesterday evening Florien (one of the oi people) called me and invited to go with them to party at some dude's place. I agreed. We drove out of town to some farm, where this guy lives in a trailer box (and it's a box alright - about 2x5 meters) with his brother, dog Tattoo and a kitten named Oi. There we listened to music (which to my disappointment consisted mostly of French stuff or just drunken guys screaming: "skinhead oi oi oi!"); drank a lot of beer... and basically that's it :S
Those guys are seriously insane: when one of them felt sick of mixing alcohol and smoke, he went to the toilet to puke for a while and then came back, sat down and started all over again as if nothing had ever happened. I think I want to take a little break of them for a while... They are really tiring! Mainly of course 'cause I understand only about one third of what they're saying. And man, I learned a lot of swearwords this night:)! Plus they are (as I suspected the first time I saw them) more about skin than punk and that fact unnerves me a bit. They're all fond of their expensive Lonsdale clothes. [Did you know that skinheads wear Lonsdale shirts and then sometimes cover the letters so that only NS is visible (NS as in national socialist). Talking about "all skinheads aren't nazis"!] That just makes me wonder... Besides, none of them is even slightly good-looking, except for the only girl Cindy. Not that they're not nice people or anything. I just somehow got bored of them tonight. Way too typical noisy losers with no ideals... Yeah, I remember feeling the same about Estonian punks, but those guys are all like 25-30 (except for Florien who's only 17). But the worst part is still that they're not even really punks. Najah.
I guess I'll call them up the next time I feel like heavy drinking. It's just good to know they're there.

A Can of Beer and Eleven Dreads

There is this little thingy about my last weekend that I haven't yet mentioned... I'm sorry, but I just needed some time to be able to give you a visual proof!
The thing is that I really got bored of making that tiny pigtail in my little mullet-wannabe hair (you might remember it) all the time. To be honest - I can't really do it very well either :$. Therefore I thought: "what the hell! I've wanted to do it anyway... I'm gonna make me some dreads!" So all of a sudden Annu became a dreadlock specialist (anyone who's interested, check out the link!). I got all the necessary supplies and asked Steffi for her help and - voilà! All I did was just have a beer and enjoy the ride, following the web site's advice :)
The very first little dready fellow was named Schwänzchen-Pascal. The first part was made up by Steffi, so don't ask me, I can't even remember it myself; Pascal is the name of my favorite dreadheaded person.
They might look a bit chaotic at the moment, but I'll take good care of 'em and they will be much nicer and longer by the time I get back home. I promise! And you know what - they're actually quite comfortable :)

Panki v Gorode!

My weekend was one of a kind :)
On Friday I took myself together and went to claim my money because tickets to Lisbon need booking and so on. After that I found myself quite wealthy all of a sudden and decided to do some shopping. It made me feel much better and since there were still some more stuff I needed, I did the same on Saturday. After buying some nice things I sat by the river and enjoyed a cheap beer. That made me feel even better. And thanks to the inspiration of certain cool people from the school, I finally practiced my diabolo. AND! (The following information will probably be comprehendable to only one reader): I tried the loop catch and I kind of did it!!! :D
Sunday I let myself be lazy all the way - sleep late, chill around doing nothing... Until I decided to take everything there is to take out of my last free day. So - I went for a walk around Petit France. And then, passing a small yard by the river, I noticed some punky-looking people drinking there, so I pretended to be sightseeing and went right up to them. My strategy worked: they immediately proposed to have a drink together and were extremely friendly. They were three guys (two of whom seem to be skinheads) and one girl. They took me for an oi-punk and I didn't deny anything. Because after all - what difference does it make, as long as two of them are punks and they all like me and want to drink together ;). So we chilled all together by the river for quite a while and a number of beers. Then we stepped by some guys' place to use the toilet and listen to music. It was a totally cool appartment and I'm just very glad that there are places like this even around here!
After we had exchanged phone numbers with the guys, one of them walked me "home" and promised they would take me with them if there is a concert coming or if they are going to some squat in Germany. How cool is that!?!
Anyway the weekend really lifted my spirits and optimism. And you know what? I am planning to go and talk to the coolest guy in school to see if he's as cool as he seems and if I can become friends with him... Sometime soon!!! ;)
And the song, suiting today's story: "Anarchy in Strasbourg" :D

10 Things I Hate About This Place And 10 Objections

1. I have no time to do anything fun, anything only for/with myself.
(1. If I wouldn't work, I wouldn't do anything useful at all.)
2. If I do have free time, I'm too tired and lazy to do anything because the working (that means doing nothing all day) really wares me off.
(2. Look at me wine! I could take myself together!)
3. If I have a good plan for my free time, it will probably fail because the weather is horrible: gray and rainy all the time, which kills all my motivation to go out and do something.
(3. I could get an umbrella or go to the movies or shopping, but I'm too lazy to get out of the school.)
4. If I manage to ignore the previous obstacles and do go out with the intention to see/meet someone cool or add some color to my life, I still fail. I do see the cool people time after time, but they all have friends and don't care about lonely little me at all. Walking around on the streets alone is not what you could call entertaining...
(4. I've heard that it is possible to become friends with complete strangers from the street. I should try harder! And it is a proved fact that going windowshopping and planning what I can buy if I save enough money DOES make me feel a bit better.)
5. The people here are starting to become very boring and unattractive to me. It's all the same every day: Marvin and his crewel/stupid taunting; Roland talks too much and takes his job too seriously; the Asian girls take too much time to understand things; Steffi is way in another world; Anna is such a perfect girl, also perfectly boring (seriously - even a cactus can be more interesting!), her head in the clouds all the time... There are only two students here that you might even say are cool (at least by the way they look)...
(5. Well, two is a start! Maybe they have cool friends, who knows! I could find out by asking them, but I'm too damn shy! I should get over my fears and complexes. And at least these people communicate to me even though I think mean things about them.)
6. It takes forever to take care of any paperwork here. I will be 65 before I will get my bank account with my pocketmoney for the first month here.
(6. Not that I am doing anything to make things move. I just blame everyone else! Very smart.)
7. The technique: editing program sucks beyond imaginable, but they won't buy a better one (Adobe, my lost love!!!); the computers are only good for writing French essays, the internet connection gives up on me every two minutes and there are some pages I can't even open!!!
(7. I should be thankful that there's anything at all, that I am able to check my email and at least I have the bad-old Trillian. Kuukulgur spoiled me and now I want the whole world to be as good.)
8. Noone sends me any letters. Steffi gets something almost every day. My inbox is getting emails from only one friend and although I'm online (as long as the server works) every damn evening, I've lately been chatting to one single person...
(8. At least there's something. And everyone's promising: sooon... Besides - the one single person is the coolest and most adorable person imaginable, never mind the fact that he's only 5 years old. It's been great "talking" to him!!!)
9. Because I'm always busy doing nothing, I'm also always tired and stressed, which means I eat much more, especially chocolate. If you'd see me right now, you wouldn't recognize me - I'm so fat!
(9. Well then DON'T EAT!!!! It's as simple as that! Geez! Or get on that great wine-diet of mine, that should lift my spirits...)
10. There's nothing I can do about it: I don't know how to make new friends (I want my old ones!); I can't make any good films with that equipment; I can't get away from the people around me; I can't download MSN (it would make me feel better); I can't not eat...
I can't leave and go back home because everyone would hate me for quitting (including me)...
(10. I should not say "I can't" before I haven't tried; if I have and it didn't work then maybe I should try and find another way. I can leave, but I won't. After all - there's nothing better back home, is there...)

-> my inner controversy of pessimism and sadism... I feel so useless and helpless... Where has my positive thinking gone? Offline.

Genialistid "Ma kolin ära koju"

Lucie Berger

I don't know if it's just me, but this school is a bit weird. Apart from the whole French school-system in general I mean. Maybe it's because I have a history of VHK, which basically had only one known rule: rules are for breaking (at least that's the impression I got). But here - the first thing they gave me when I arrived was a list of rules: things I'm not allowed to do and things I have to ask permission for. A bit later they also gave me a pack of rules for the students. And it seriously made me mad: about 5 pages of crap written in a form of: "I will clean my table /.../ I am not allowed to use this and that and I am not allowed under any circumstances to... bla bla blah!" Geez! Give these poor kids a break! Don't they already suffer enough? Most of them have to go to school on Saturdays (on account of having a short Wednesday) plus sometimes stay at school until 6PM. And they need to show a special "carte de sortie" before leaving the school area, which is closed by a huge barred gate. They get the card after a parent has verified their timetable with a signature and given an authorization for the kid to leave school at lunch breaks. I don't think that they are allowed to stay in the classes or corridors during breaks. Those poor kids must spend their free time out in the courtyard even on the coldest days of winter, because they couldn't be in the cafeteria all at once. And there are absolutely no benches outside, so they must sit on the ground.
The rules of cafeteria where I work (which is divided in two: K'fet for the oldest students and Perm for the basic school) are also a bit strange to me. For instance - the younger students are not allowed to go into K'fet, use walkmans/phones and must always ask for permission even for going to the bathroom. The most unfortunate part for me and the students is that the permanent workers want to see me telling the kids around, maybe even yelling at them. But I hate it when animators do that (mostly because they are in a bad mood) and I'd sure as hell hate doing it myself. But they seem to think that it is the only way to gain respect among students. What a load of crap!!! I think the students would like me much better if I'd let them do what they want (they're not children any more and know what they're doing) and sometimes prohibit and caution them just for the hell of it... Free discipline is the key! Don't you agree?
[this ain't no meka man, this place is a prison!] -> Sham 69 "If The Kids Are United"

The People

I thought I should write something a bit more informative after all that wining I've done lately. Today I am going to tell you about the people here.

Aleksandra: an animator who works here permanently. She is sweet and funny and has her own style, I've heard she also knows movie-business and that makes her even cooler. But unfortunately I can not discuss the whole world with her, as much as I wouldn't want to. Maybe later...


Olivier with a student
Olivier: our boss. A typical French guy with a big French nose. He is also nice, like all of them, but yet again another person who I don't really talk to. Plus I have a feeling that because of that he doesn't like me as much as he could.

Audrey (26): a worker here who is - unfortunately - leaving very soon. She is veery sweet and always helpful. To her I actually CAN talk a little, though I mostly do the listening, it's easier for me that way. She really understands and does not mind that fact at all. The kids also love her. I wish she didn't go!


Anna (19): another German EVS volunteer. She is ultimately friendly and nice and does not say a bad word about anyone. She also has the time and amazing patience to talk to me in French. She's all about being healthy/green and basically what you could call the "good girl". I'm quite sure I can get that boring-German syndrome fixed once we'll get along better ;). She just thinks that she doesn't like drinking beer, doing stupid/forbidden things and acting crazy! Muhhahhaa!!!


Steffi & Xiang-Yan
Steffi: a volunteer from Germany who will work with us until January. She is 20 and likes to laugh a lot. Speaks French very well and is very nice, but I don't really communicate to her. She has a very mature lifestyle, so we don't connect so much, me being a crazy little ass. She's like a mommy to us :)

Xiang-Yan (geez, I hope I got that one right!): a volunteer from China who will stay with us until December. She is 26 and quite intelligent. Speaks French just a bit better than me. I have found out a lot about China thanks to her. She is kind of like my comrade sometimes because we don't understand what people are telling us.


Keiko is...
Keiko: a volunteer from Japan. I am starting to think that Keiko and Ming are synonyms! She is a naturalborn down!!! All the symptoms are there: the big calf's eyes that stand too far from each other and look in different directions sometimes; the forwardy teeth... Plus - she does not understand French, nor most of English. If someone wants to tell her two sentences in French, it will probably take 15 minutes, repeating every word over and over (which she does ALL THE TIME, with everything you say!), then you must try to explain it in English, but she still doesn't get it, just keeps repeating what you said with a stupid face and finally she takes out her electronic dictionary and asks you to type every word you just said. Once she even tried to look up "Audrey". She walks like she's flat-footed; wears narrowing (alt kitsenevaid) trousers and a stupid bag around her waist. She also makes these "mmhh? oww! aah!"-sounds, says mercy to everything you tell her and sometimes claps her hands for no reason. But what really makes me loose my nerve about her - she never starts nor ends working on time. It seems as if she has a timetable of her own, according to which she doesn't really have to work, she's just hanging out in the cafeteria with us whenever she feels like it. And here it comes: she's 30 years old!!!
...a down


Marvin (19): spending here his alternative service. He's a rich kid from a typical German family. Sometimes he's a real gentleman, but mostly just a typical materially thinking male. He lives in his small world of wellbeing and thinks that everyone think just like him because there are no alternatives. He does not understand how can a person not have money or not want to have any etc. With him we communicate in English, which is wonderful for a change. He has become my beer-buddy and the first reason for that is that we discovered we both love Keiko (Keiko-Psycho as we refer to her). I can not stay serious when I'm with him while she's around. Just seeing the way he looks at her... it's hilarious. All it takes for us is a glance at each other and we just start laughing cause we know what the other one is thinking. I know it's totally crewel, but did you read the previous characterization!?? Although his capitalistic mentality really gets on my nerves sometimes. Plus he somehow thinks that I always want to hang out with him...


Roland (26): the cool and funny guy. He takes his job very seriously and at the same time can be very puerile and act stupid (hiding behind the bar, dancing around, making kinky jokes etc). He also likes to talk a lot and very fast, for which I make him feel quite guilty sometimes. It's good to have a person like that on the team and I must admit - I would really like him much better if he had and didn't have one thing: if he still had his tonguepiercing and if he didn't have a girlfriend... Although, it seems to me that he would enjoy it if all the young girls in school and also the volunteers would be crazy about him. He does act a bit flirtatious time after time. And it almost worked for Anna, but "I am strong enough..!" Not in need for such stuff ;)


Eric Schiffer: our tutor/mentor-person. He is the school's pastor and also gives some culture & religion lessons here. I like talking to him because he's easy to understand. He likes organizing things.

Marc Peter: our French teacher. He looks a bit like a crazy professor. He is a fan of cinema, especially if it has something to do with China or Hong Kong (likes to discuss it with Xiang-Yan a lot). At first I believe he thought I am a completely hopeless idiot just because I don't speak much. But after I wrote him a homework letter and he thought it was Steffi's... Ha! I'm not so stupid now, am I?!! :P


The team: Aleks, Audrey, me, Roland, Xiang-Yan, Marvin & Steffi

Beer-buddy

My plan did not work (what a surprise!). Instead of going to the movies we went to sit in a new-age cafe.. and hanging out alone in the city wasn't even closely fun. There are just too many weird men who think I'm really cute or whatever... Annoying! But that's not what I wanted to write about.

Marvin
I have a friend here now!! On Sunday we discovered with one of the German volunteers - Marvin - that we have a lot in common (annoyed by the same things/people; love for beer etc). He was very glad to discover that I actually DRINK, unlike most of the other girls here... So, yesterday we went to a shop and he bought a case of Kroenenburg (30 small bottles to be exact). And in the evening we sat in our so-called livingroom, watched TV, drank and talked. We drank all together half of what we got, which is pretty cool considering it was on Monday... A really great thing is that we can talk about anything: girls, guys, parties, sex, relationships etc etc. He's a fun guy and also very openminded, which I appreciate very much about people. And after I will get the time to write about all the people here, you will understand why we have so much fun (on account of some others) together.
He's a really great beer-buddy... At one moment he told me that I can be a good replacement for a guy here (because he's the only one), considering the way I love beer and so on (I take that as a compliment). And when I got the idea to keep all the empty bottles in a cupboard for our collection... oh, you should have seen his face! :D

Weekend

After the horrifying evening with my colleagues I decided to do something about my boring life. A persons heart needs something beautiful after all the French "conversations" (that I have managed to avoid in the last 19 hours. Jay!). So as they say in the best Estonian film: "Kultuur, kultuur, kultuur!". I went to the museum of modern art. It was great to see mindblowingly crazy works by Monet, Kandinsky, Picasso; different Dada installations and lots of unknown artists... Very relieving in a way, reminding me of Paris. At some point an ugly museum-guy wanted to know my phonenumber because I'm oh so jolie. That was disturbing, but I managed to get rid of the guy :)
Afterwards I decided to take advantage of the sunny warm weather and have a walk in the city. It is so unbelievably beautiful and somewhat romantic here, as the sun is reflecting on the river and making all the cute little houses look even more friendly and worm.
It so happened that I ended up in a huge store (seriously, this place is a heaven for shopping freaks!), where I found a billetery [a place where they sell tickets]. And I just didn't have the strength to walk by, I had to buy the Stranglers ticket. It was damn expensive, but oh well! Maybe I can meet some cool people at the concert ;)
Then I watched the ending of "Return Of The King" on the shop's widescreen and tried not to start crying in the middle of the store (I'm a sucker for those films :$). And finally I decided I must try to stay normal here: I went to a market and bought the cheapest beer they had. And tonight I am planning to go on town (hopefully alone) and just hang out with my beer and chill. I hope my plan won't fail because the others want to go to the cinema and see "The Terminal"... I'll let you know how it went!
So far: BrainStorm "Weekends Are Not My Happy Days"