When I was in 3rd grade (that means about 9 years old) I had this really annoying game. Well, fun for me, but annoying to others that is. The game was simple: sweeping with violent moves repeatedly over the heads of others with a small towel in order to annoy them and mix up their hair. The whole action was accompanied by a simple little song saying "mina ei ole süüdi" (I'm not guilty). As if trying to say to the world that I assume my actions, but I am not responsable for them... or something.
I still sometimes wonder how did my tolerant deskmate manage to bear me throughout the nine years of basic school.
Today, at university, I get quite often the feeling of being somehow out of the context. A weird creature who belongs and at the same time really doesn't. Maybe it's just me wanting to believe that I belong. Or maybe it's me wanting to believe that i'm different... Or both and at the same time.
As my game faded into history (to the gratification of many victims), a groupe (maybe it could even be called a movement) was created among some of my classmates. We called ourselves "nohikud" (the nerds) and we even had our own manifest and a song (which was about how the nerds are not particularly clean and are proud of their appearance). So I was now wondering if that groupe was formed in order to struggle against "the popular ones" (against whom I in later years used the old wisdom of "if you can't fight them, join them") or maybe it was an unconcious manifest of being different. And not WANTING to be, because in basic school nobody wants to be different! Maybe it was just something "just like that" for fun and amusement, behind which there actually is no psychological meaning.
The reason why I started wondering about it was today's History exam. I got this feeling of fatality while writing it. Knowing that I won't make it, but still doing it... Saying to myself that it's not my fault that I can't write things by the right standards and in French.
Therefor I present you:
How To Do The Impossible, lesson 1:
I still sometimes wonder how did my tolerant deskmate manage to bear me throughout the nine years of basic school.
Today, at university, I get quite often the feeling of being somehow out of the context. A weird creature who belongs and at the same time really doesn't. Maybe it's just me wanting to believe that I belong. Or maybe it's me wanting to believe that i'm different... Or both and at the same time.
As my game faded into history (to the gratification of many victims), a groupe (maybe it could even be called a movement) was created among some of my classmates. We called ourselves "nohikud" (the nerds) and we even had our own manifest and a song (which was about how the nerds are not particularly clean and are proud of their appearance). So I was now wondering if that groupe was formed in order to struggle against "the popular ones" (against whom I in later years used the old wisdom of "if you can't fight them, join them") or maybe it was an unconcious manifest of being different. And not WANTING to be, because in basic school nobody wants to be different! Maybe it was just something "just like that" for fun and amusement, behind which there actually is no psychological meaning.
The reason why I started wondering about it was today's History exam. I got this feeling of fatality while writing it. Knowing that I won't make it, but still doing it... Saying to myself that it's not my fault that I can't write things by the right standards and in French.
Therefor I present you:
How To Do The Impossible, lesson 1:
"mina ei ole süüdi!" think it, say it, shout it, believe it, suggest it, want it, exclame it, dare it, declare it, know it, throw it...
