10 Things I Hate About This Place And 10 Objections

1. I have no time to do anything fun, anything only for/with myself.
(1. If I wouldn't work, I wouldn't do anything useful at all.)
2. If I do have free time, I'm too tired and lazy to do anything because the working (that means doing nothing all day) really wares me off.
(2. Look at me wine! I could take myself together!)
3. If I have a good plan for my free time, it will probably fail because the weather is horrible: gray and rainy all the time, which kills all my motivation to go out and do something.
(3. I could get an umbrella or go to the movies or shopping, but I'm too lazy to get out of the school.)
4. If I manage to ignore the previous obstacles and do go out with the intention to see/meet someone cool or add some color to my life, I still fail. I do see the cool people time after time, but they all have friends and don't care about lonely little me at all. Walking around on the streets alone is not what you could call entertaining...
(4. I've heard that it is possible to become friends with complete strangers from the street. I should try harder! And it is a proved fact that going windowshopping and planning what I can buy if I save enough money DOES make me feel a bit better.)
5. The people here are starting to become very boring and unattractive to me. It's all the same every day: Marvin and his crewel/stupid taunting; Roland talks too much and takes his job too seriously; the Asian girls take too much time to understand things; Steffi is way in another world; Anna is such a perfect girl, also perfectly boring (seriously - even a cactus can be more interesting!), her head in the clouds all the time... There are only two students here that you might even say are cool (at least by the way they look)...
(5. Well, two is a start! Maybe they have cool friends, who knows! I could find out by asking them, but I'm too damn shy! I should get over my fears and complexes. And at least these people communicate to me even though I think mean things about them.)
6. It takes forever to take care of any paperwork here. I will be 65 before I will get my bank account with my pocketmoney for the first month here.
(6. Not that I am doing anything to make things move. I just blame everyone else! Very smart.)
7. The technique: editing program sucks beyond imaginable, but they won't buy a better one (Adobe, my lost love!!!); the computers are only good for writing French essays, the internet connection gives up on me every two minutes and there are some pages I can't even open!!!
(7. I should be thankful that there's anything at all, that I am able to check my email and at least I have the bad-old Trillian. Kuukulgur spoiled me and now I want the whole world to be as good.)
8. Noone sends me any letters. Steffi gets something almost every day. My inbox is getting emails from only one friend and although I'm online (as long as the server works) every damn evening, I've lately been chatting to one single person...
(8. At least there's something. And everyone's promising: sooon... Besides - the one single person is the coolest and most adorable person imaginable, never mind the fact that he's only 5 years old. It's been great "talking" to him!!!)
9. Because I'm always busy doing nothing, I'm also always tired and stressed, which means I eat much more, especially chocolate. If you'd see me right now, you wouldn't recognize me - I'm so fat!
(9. Well then DON'T EAT!!!! It's as simple as that! Geez! Or get on that great wine-diet of mine, that should lift my spirits...)
10. There's nothing I can do about it: I don't know how to make new friends (I want my old ones!); I can't make any good films with that equipment; I can't get away from the people around me; I can't download MSN (it would make me feel better); I can't not eat...
I can't leave and go back home because everyone would hate me for quitting (including me)...
(10. I should not say "I can't" before I haven't tried; if I have and it didn't work then maybe I should try and find another way. I can leave, but I won't. After all - there's nothing better back home, is there...)

-> my inner controversy of pessimism and sadism... I feel so useless and helpless... Where has my positive thinking gone? Offline.

Genialistid "Ma kolin ära koju"

Lucie Berger

I don't know if it's just me, but this school is a bit weird. Apart from the whole French school-system in general I mean. Maybe it's because I have a history of VHK, which basically had only one known rule: rules are for breaking (at least that's the impression I got). But here - the first thing they gave me when I arrived was a list of rules: things I'm not allowed to do and things I have to ask permission for. A bit later they also gave me a pack of rules for the students. And it seriously made me mad: about 5 pages of crap written in a form of: "I will clean my table /.../ I am not allowed to use this and that and I am not allowed under any circumstances to... bla bla blah!" Geez! Give these poor kids a break! Don't they already suffer enough? Most of them have to go to school on Saturdays (on account of having a short Wednesday) plus sometimes stay at school until 6PM. And they need to show a special "carte de sortie" before leaving the school area, which is closed by a huge barred gate. They get the card after a parent has verified their timetable with a signature and given an authorization for the kid to leave school at lunch breaks. I don't think that they are allowed to stay in the classes or corridors during breaks. Those poor kids must spend their free time out in the courtyard even on the coldest days of winter, because they couldn't be in the cafeteria all at once. And there are absolutely no benches outside, so they must sit on the ground.
The rules of cafeteria where I work (which is divided in two: K'fet for the oldest students and Perm for the basic school) are also a bit strange to me. For instance - the younger students are not allowed to go into K'fet, use walkmans/phones and must always ask for permission even for going to the bathroom. The most unfortunate part for me and the students is that the permanent workers want to see me telling the kids around, maybe even yelling at them. But I hate it when animators do that (mostly because they are in a bad mood) and I'd sure as hell hate doing it myself. But they seem to think that it is the only way to gain respect among students. What a load of crap!!! I think the students would like me much better if I'd let them do what they want (they're not children any more and know what they're doing) and sometimes prohibit and caution them just for the hell of it... Free discipline is the key! Don't you agree?
[this ain't no meka man, this place is a prison!] -> Sham 69 "If The Kids Are United"

The People

I thought I should write something a bit more informative after all that wining I've done lately. Today I am going to tell you about the people here.

Aleksandra: an animator who works here permanently. She is sweet and funny and has her own style, I've heard she also knows movie-business and that makes her even cooler. But unfortunately I can not discuss the whole world with her, as much as I wouldn't want to. Maybe later...


Olivier with a student
Olivier: our boss. A typical French guy with a big French nose. He is also nice, like all of them, but yet again another person who I don't really talk to. Plus I have a feeling that because of that he doesn't like me as much as he could.

Audrey (26): a worker here who is - unfortunately - leaving very soon. She is veery sweet and always helpful. To her I actually CAN talk a little, though I mostly do the listening, it's easier for me that way. She really understands and does not mind that fact at all. The kids also love her. I wish she didn't go!


Anna (19): another German EVS volunteer. She is ultimately friendly and nice and does not say a bad word about anyone. She also has the time and amazing patience to talk to me in French. She's all about being healthy/green and basically what you could call the "good girl". I'm quite sure I can get that boring-German syndrome fixed once we'll get along better ;). She just thinks that she doesn't like drinking beer, doing stupid/forbidden things and acting crazy! Muhhahhaa!!!


Steffi & Xiang-Yan
Steffi: a volunteer from Germany who will work with us until January. She is 20 and likes to laugh a lot. Speaks French very well and is very nice, but I don't really communicate to her. She has a very mature lifestyle, so we don't connect so much, me being a crazy little ass. She's like a mommy to us :)

Xiang-Yan (geez, I hope I got that one right!): a volunteer from China who will stay with us until December. She is 26 and quite intelligent. Speaks French just a bit better than me. I have found out a lot about China thanks to her. She is kind of like my comrade sometimes because we don't understand what people are telling us.


Keiko is...
Keiko: a volunteer from Japan. I am starting to think that Keiko and Ming are synonyms! She is a naturalborn down!!! All the symptoms are there: the big calf's eyes that stand too far from each other and look in different directions sometimes; the forwardy teeth... Plus - she does not understand French, nor most of English. If someone wants to tell her two sentences in French, it will probably take 15 minutes, repeating every word over and over (which she does ALL THE TIME, with everything you say!), then you must try to explain it in English, but she still doesn't get it, just keeps repeating what you said with a stupid face and finally she takes out her electronic dictionary and asks you to type every word you just said. Once she even tried to look up "Audrey". She walks like she's flat-footed; wears narrowing (alt kitsenevaid) trousers and a stupid bag around her waist. She also makes these "mmhh? oww! aah!"-sounds, says mercy to everything you tell her and sometimes claps her hands for no reason. But what really makes me loose my nerve about her - she never starts nor ends working on time. It seems as if she has a timetable of her own, according to which she doesn't really have to work, she's just hanging out in the cafeteria with us whenever she feels like it. And here it comes: she's 30 years old!!!
...a down


Marvin (19): spending here his alternative service. He's a rich kid from a typical German family. Sometimes he's a real gentleman, but mostly just a typical materially thinking male. He lives in his small world of wellbeing and thinks that everyone think just like him because there are no alternatives. He does not understand how can a person not have money or not want to have any etc. With him we communicate in English, which is wonderful for a change. He has become my beer-buddy and the first reason for that is that we discovered we both love Keiko (Keiko-Psycho as we refer to her). I can not stay serious when I'm with him while she's around. Just seeing the way he looks at her... it's hilarious. All it takes for us is a glance at each other and we just start laughing cause we know what the other one is thinking. I know it's totally crewel, but did you read the previous characterization!?? Although his capitalistic mentality really gets on my nerves sometimes. Plus he somehow thinks that I always want to hang out with him...


Roland (26): the cool and funny guy. He takes his job very seriously and at the same time can be very puerile and act stupid (hiding behind the bar, dancing around, making kinky jokes etc). He also likes to talk a lot and very fast, for which I make him feel quite guilty sometimes. It's good to have a person like that on the team and I must admit - I would really like him much better if he had and didn't have one thing: if he still had his tonguepiercing and if he didn't have a girlfriend... Although, it seems to me that he would enjoy it if all the young girls in school and also the volunteers would be crazy about him. He does act a bit flirtatious time after time. And it almost worked for Anna, but "I am strong enough..!" Not in need for such stuff ;)


Eric Schiffer: our tutor/mentor-person. He is the school's pastor and also gives some culture & religion lessons here. I like talking to him because he's easy to understand. He likes organizing things.

Marc Peter: our French teacher. He looks a bit like a crazy professor. He is a fan of cinema, especially if it has something to do with China or Hong Kong (likes to discuss it with Xiang-Yan a lot). At first I believe he thought I am a completely hopeless idiot just because I don't speak much. But after I wrote him a homework letter and he thought it was Steffi's... Ha! I'm not so stupid now, am I?!! :P


The team: Aleks, Audrey, me, Roland, Xiang-Yan, Marvin & Steffi

Beer-buddy

My plan did not work (what a surprise!). Instead of going to the movies we went to sit in a new-age cafe.. and hanging out alone in the city wasn't even closely fun. There are just too many weird men who think I'm really cute or whatever... Annoying! But that's not what I wanted to write about.

Marvin
I have a friend here now!! On Sunday we discovered with one of the German volunteers - Marvin - that we have a lot in common (annoyed by the same things/people; love for beer etc). He was very glad to discover that I actually DRINK, unlike most of the other girls here... So, yesterday we went to a shop and he bought a case of Kroenenburg (30 small bottles to be exact). And in the evening we sat in our so-called livingroom, watched TV, drank and talked. We drank all together half of what we got, which is pretty cool considering it was on Monday... A really great thing is that we can talk about anything: girls, guys, parties, sex, relationships etc etc. He's a fun guy and also very openminded, which I appreciate very much about people. And after I will get the time to write about all the people here, you will understand why we have so much fun (on account of some others) together.
He's a really great beer-buddy... At one moment he told me that I can be a good replacement for a guy here (because he's the only one), considering the way I love beer and so on (I take that as a compliment). And when I got the idea to keep all the empty bottles in a cupboard for our collection... oh, you should have seen his face! :D

Weekend

After the horrifying evening with my colleagues I decided to do something about my boring life. A persons heart needs something beautiful after all the French "conversations" (that I have managed to avoid in the last 19 hours. Jay!). So as they say in the best Estonian film: "Kultuur, kultuur, kultuur!". I went to the museum of modern art. It was great to see mindblowingly crazy works by Monet, Kandinsky, Picasso; different Dada installations and lots of unknown artists... Very relieving in a way, reminding me of Paris. At some point an ugly museum-guy wanted to know my phonenumber because I'm oh so jolie. That was disturbing, but I managed to get rid of the guy :)
Afterwards I decided to take advantage of the sunny warm weather and have a walk in the city. It is so unbelievably beautiful and somewhat romantic here, as the sun is reflecting on the river and making all the cute little houses look even more friendly and worm.
It so happened that I ended up in a huge store (seriously, this place is a heaven for shopping freaks!), where I found a billetery [a place where they sell tickets]. And I just didn't have the strength to walk by, I had to buy the Stranglers ticket. It was damn expensive, but oh well! Maybe I can meet some cool people at the concert ;)
Then I watched the ending of "Return Of The King" on the shop's widescreen and tried not to start crying in the middle of the store (I'm a sucker for those films :$). And finally I decided I must try to stay normal here: I went to a market and bought the cheapest beer they had. And tonight I am planning to go on town (hopefully alone) and just hang out with my beer and chill. I hope my plan won't fail because the others want to go to the cinema and see "The Terminal"... I'll let you know how it went!
So far: BrainStorm "Weekends Are Not My Happy Days"

Tonight

We had a grand festive dinner with all the animators (the volunteers plus the permanent ones) and the school director and other important people. We drove all together outside Strasbourg to a nice "little" restaurant. There we sat, had some wine, ate Alsacian (the region of France) food and talked... Well... they talked and I listened. I understood half of what they were talking about, but that's alright with me (I'm getting quite used to not understanding). And the cool and funny colleague of mine - Roland - really talks A LOT! He's very nice and friendly otherwise, but likes to talk. That's not a problem as well. But you can sense that there's a "but" coming up... Yep... After tonight I'm almost hysterically terrified that I will not be able to REALLY have fun with those people. Ever. Yes, they're nice and funny (even the Germans [no offence, the German readers];) and we have quite good time together. But they all have the Western-European mentality here. In a word: kuradi rikkurid naisk! They have no idea how hobos and poor (that is cool) people are used to have parties. -> We go and buy as much cheap drink as possible in a shop; we find a nice place for a "picnic" and drink a lot and make jokes and then maybe go somewhere (dancing or getting more drinks or whatever). It seems to me that their idea of fun is sitting behind a glass of wine or a weed-joint and discussing social, political, religious or whatever-problems... And if they go out, they buy one utterly expensive drink in the club/pub and then dance. Geez! Give me a break!!! Rainar & Karl! Get over here as fast as possible! I am in a deep need for a good-old hobo party! No pubs and clubs, just us and Strasbourg à l'Estonie!!!
Speaking of which - it was so great to drive through the little village roads, when we were going to the restaurant, watching the sunset. It made me feel like fleeing; getting on the road, lifting my arm and just GOING somewhere again... Ahh. Guys! All my little hobod & parmud & punkarid & tudengid (it's all the same in the end;)! Today I realized how much I miss and love you!
Do me a favour: go to Laboratoorium or Estonia/Lollide mägi (anywhere in Tartu is also fine), take as much cheap beer as you can and just drink for my sake!!! You have the possibility. Use it goddamnit! And when you do, think about all the poor mislead and ignorant Europeans who don't know what is a "karutapja" nor have they ever heard of a "tshebureki kohvik" and why is it so good early in the mornings.
This post is written very spontaneously, but truly sincerely. I don't like rich Europeans. I want my poor Estonians back!!!

Tutkit! ehk "No Irish, No Blacks, No Dogs"

I wrote just lately to all of my friends that they are very welcome to visit me here anytime they want and that the door of my humble little room is always open to everyone. Well, it's not!
It comes out that we have these RULES here, which forbid us to invite friends into our lodgments. If someone wants to pay a visit and stay here for the night, they are obliged to stay in a different room (if available) and pay 15 euros per night. They are not allowed to stay here during weekends or school holidays. And if there are no vacant rooms at that time, then...well: "Sorry friend! The hotel is right around the corner..."
Now isn't that nice! It appears that I am living in a prison. Oh yes, well, I should have expected something like that to happen... School or prison - what's the difference anyway!!!
I'm sorry friends! Believe me - I want all of you in my so-called apartment, right away if it was up to me. There's room for everyone. But...
If there is at least one person left, who still wants to pay me a visit after all these news... I would be humbly happy and so very thankful for your comprehension!

What to do?

There is a huge concerthall in Strasbourg, which has all kinds of gigs of almost every style of music there is, almost every day. I got the list of concerts and now I don't know, what to do and who to see... Because there are quite a lot of good performers coming in November. For instance:
3rd - International Noise Conspiracy
10th - Toy Dolls
13th - The Stranglers
21st - Interpol
Those are the gigs I might want to go to, but I can not decide. Maybe I shouldn't waste money on things like that? Or maybe they're too good to miss out on? And in that case - which one should I choose? Maybe you could help me out on that?
If there was even one single concert of bands like Noir Désir, Sex Pistols, Muse or at least The Smilers, I wouldn't have any doubts... This situation confuses me. And the worst part is that I can't listen to any of their music on the net to be able to choose better because of these stupid school computers!!! :Z

Three Days Now

Map of Strasbourg Centre
Hum. There are so many things I would like to tell you about, I don't know where to start...
I got my luggage back, but they refused to pay me any money for losing it. I'm getting a bit more used to my room, although I must say - there has not been too much time to spend there. My days go as follows: I wake up around 7AM; breakfast in the school diner at 7:30; most of the days my work starts at 8, then lunch at 12, which we also usually have in the diner. Today I had to work until 6PM; at 6:45 we eat dinner in a university "restaurant"-diner and I spend the rest of my evenings behind the computer.
Work: today I got familiar with my responsibilities here. We must "work" in a small cafeteria where the students can spend their free lessons, do their homework, have a snack, play games and socialize. It's a cool place (somehow reminds me of VHK). My job is to sell them lemonade and chocolate (which I can take for free once a day) and to see that they behave... Today we played a funny cardgame with some of the students. They don't even seem to mind my poor language skills :)
The school, especially the cafeteria, reminds me of VHK because the students are quite friendly and get along with the animators. They have cool subjects (Latin) and a big schoolyard with playgrounds and garden AND instead of the common ring-a-ling-schoolbell they have the intro music of "Yellow Lemontree"! Quite original, isn't it ;)
Some more good things about this place: first of all - the weather is magnificent! Always sunny and hot, which they say is unusual here, but I enjoy it very much nevertheless. And yesterday they gave me a bike for personal use! It's not a very nice bike, being purple and old, but it has a lamp and I like it anyway :D
I might sound very happy and excited and utterly positive, but don't get me wrong - I'm quite lonely out here and miss seeing all of you guys... And it gets pretty boring at work as well, because I don't dare to "talk" to the students. Maybe I'll manage to use my bike and see the town this weekend; maybe someday I'll actually have fun here!
And the song this time is... You guessed it! Fool's Garden "Yellow Lemontree"

My First Day

It began already at midnight, when I was still trying to pack all of my things. It wasn't working too well though, because even after ten times of packing and repacking, my luggage was way too heavy... And the Estonian Air company doesn't give a damn if you are flying out for the weekend or for a whole year - you can still take only 20 + 8 kg of stuff. How ridiculous is that! That's why I had to leave behind 15 kg, among which were my favorite books, two skirts, notebooks and lots of other stuff that I thought I'd desperately need here.
Plus I had to cheat at the airport: my mom was holding some of the heavy things while I was doing the check-in and I put them in my backpack afterwards (don't tell anyone;)).
Getting to Paris was cool (I saw the Eiffel Tower from high above); waiting in the airport for three hours wasn't too bad; flying to Strasbourg was ok (very quick)... There was a man waiting for me when I arrived - Eric - from the school staff. He started talking to me in French, but I was able to understand most of it. And then it happened - the thing I somehow had expected: my luggage didn't arrive. So they gave me this funny little package which contains everything a person needs when they don't have their luggage: soap, shampoo, toothbrush, deodorant, a petit towel, L-size T-shirt, shaving cream, a green tea perfume and of course a condom (what would I have done without it!!!)... They promised I'll get my stuff tomorrow morning... we'll see about that!
Then Eric took me here, to the gymnasium of Lucie Berger. It is a large school with different facilities, located right in the middle of town centre - Le Petit France district (kind of like VHK). I already saw some of the students who seemed to be no more than just average teenagers.
Afterwards he showed me the place I'll be living in for the next ten months. It is just across the elementary school. My room is on the fifth floor, right on top of the gymnasium. It is a small (3x5) room [konku] with controversial furnishing: I have a cool antique chiffonier and desktop but also a cupboard and a table that look as if they were brought from Emmaus... Luckily there's my own personal sink and a nice bed. And a wiew to the school yard and elementary house (and noisy students :S).
My neighbors are four girls: two German, one Chinese and one Vietnamese, they seem nice and friendly even though they speak better French than I do (as I expected). Lucky for me they also know English - I'm saved!!! The bad news is that we have to share one shower, but the good news is that this place (l'ordinateur et internet) is available anytime I need it.
So, considering I had such a shitty arrival, I am beginning to feel a bit more hopeful about this place. Though I have no idea how am I supposed to communicate with the students and the staff because they still don't seem to understand the seriousness of the situation (that is the lack of my language skills) and keep addressing me in French. No, it's not that bad because - to my surprise - I think I understand about a half/two thirds of what they are saying. That is much more than I expected :)
Tomorrow I will find out what my work is, probably listening to a whole lot of French talk, but I must say - I didn't go to VHK for no reason. Thanks to a certain teacher I know the solution to that problem: "naerata ja nooguta ja pool maailma kuulub sulle!" ;)
Don't worry about me, I'm worried enough for all of us!! -> Smilers "Lendan" <-

Sõbrad

Reedel toimus Annu ärasaatmispidu, mis oli üle ootuste armas ja lõbus ja mida kõike veel. Tänan südamest kõiki sõpru, kes ei pidanud paljuks kasvõi korraks nägu näidata. Kõik lilled-kingid olid ka väga armsad. Ma poleks uskunudki, et mul nii palju nii häid sõpru on...
Oli ütlemata tore chillida vanal-heal Laboratooriumil koos kamba lõbusate inimestega, juua maha mu viimaseid kroone (mida mul nagunii enam niipea vaja ei lähe), laulda nii et naabrid vihased ja valmistada rõõmu ka vaesematele (see parm, kes kõik pudelid endale sai)...
Erilist äramärkimist ja aplausi väärivad siiski Kribu, Maiu, Hanna ja Rainar, kes pidasid rõõmsalt vastu kuni võiduka lõpuni. Ja hommikune kartulipirukas :)
Homsest ei näe ma teid enam kes-teab-kui-kaua, see mõte võtab ikka jala värisema. Aga tulge mulle siis külla, kõik koos ja eraldi ja...! Muidu ma igatsen teid liiga palju. Ise püüan - ekstra teie jaoks - oma blogi võimalikult tihti täiendada; ja kui kellelgi on mingeid tellimusi Euroopast, andke teada.
Seniks aga head siiajäämist, palju võtteid ja õlut (mitte liiga palju), mõnusalt pehmet talve ja valgeid jõule, huvitavaid loenguid/(töö)tunde ja ei mingit rutiini! Ärge te kadestage mind midagi, sest Eesti on ju niii armas! Jooge minu eest ikka ja ainult Originaali, sööge leiba ja verivorsti ja lagritsajäätist, käige Smilersi konsadel ja tervitage Genkusid ka!!! Ja kui tuju sitt, siis tehke endale minu poolt suur kalli.
Sest lõppude lõpuks: Coldplay "See You Soon"