Unappreciated

This week I was supposed to organize "la semaine estonienne" (the Estonian week) at the K'fet. I had everything planned - presenting some general information; showing the jew's harp; degustating kama; listening to some music and teaching some Estonian words... I even wrote a little article for the weekly school paper... in French!!! The paper is called "Quoi de neuf?" (what's new?), it consists of one A4 paper full of the most important events of the new week and reflections on the last one. It is managed by our boss Olivier and the school's principle Mr Jermann. The title is in a different language every week, so this time it was supposed to be in Estonian, naturally.

So there I was, making last preparations for starting the week: putting together some photos and descriptions etc, when the paper arrived. Marvin was the first one to notice that my article was missing. He told me about it and when I stepped up to see I saw that even the heading is in some whatever-language. No sign about the Estonian week... I thought that maybe they misunderstood me and thought that it was supposed to be next week (even though I told them about it several times). I asked Olivier what's going on and he was like: "Oh right! I was just discussing what to put in the "quoi de neuf" with Mr Jermann yesterday and we completely forgot all about your week." Ahsoo. Well, fine! I'll do it next week then...

But as I thought about it a bit, it came to me. Usually it seems to me (although it might as well be just my imagination) that Olivier looks at me as though I was a lazy stupid bitch (like Anna) who never does or says anything. And this time, when I tried, when I really made an effort to do something on my own (which should never happen with an EVS volunteer) and by myself - he just ignores it, fucking FORGETS it! That just shows so much! How they really care for me being here, for trying to do something that makes the place a bit more interesting and educates the students, how they appreciate my work and so on. Thanks, Olivier, for letting me know that I'm just a pointless little shit in this place! That just makes me feel so much more motivated about my work!

Now I'm really angry. I think it was also quite obvious the whole day, but in the end it was only Roland who came to me and asked if everyhting's ok and said sorry. That pissed me off even more - why does Roland (who has nothing to do with the paper) have to feel guilty and apologize? And how come Olivier never said a word???

I hate this place, I hate my work, I hate the people who "give a damn"!!!

Psychoterror "sööge oma sitta"