I've Been Thinking

I've been thinking about my life lately. Not about those silly/depressing old things like "where will I be a year from now?" or “how can I start an independent life?” No, more like “what’s the most enjoyable way I could make my dreams come true?”
I’ve noticed lately that dreams have a tendency to come true. You just have to want it bad enough. It just has to be something that’s right for you in the inexplicable long-term way. Dreams start coming true once you’ve got on the right destiny-tracks. It’s just about being on the right boat and let it take you wherever it’s going. I know that it sometimes feels you’re not on the right boat at all, but I guess all these “life is a flower”-moments are meant to emphasize the good stuff in life. Yeah, it’s the positive thinking bull. The safest way to get through it all is just let it flow.
Maybe dreams are actually our visions of future? Once you relax, stop thinking and panicking about all the floweriness and just let your feet take you forward on the track, your mind is freed from worrying about what was and what will be so it’s getting clearer images of what is waiting up ahead. Maybe we can actually see the coming events, but our mind twists it all into the impression that we’re imagining it (dreaming of it).
So anyways, maybe I should just sit back and relax and try not to think myself crazy about the technical part. I have an indistinct image in my mind, so I must not try to get it clear before the right time. I trust into the Whatever It Is that’s stronger than my conscious mind – I make a wish… ‘Cause in the end – all those loose ends always seem to run together at some point, even if you didn’t imagine they ever would.
Now I’m not saying that my future will be whatever I wish it would. I’m not claiming that I have any idea what so ever of what tomorrow will bring. It’s just that I’m not bothering myself with that as much any more. Tomorrow is always better as certainly as A is A, so why doubt it?

Taizé Lisboa 2004

First of all, I must deeply appologise for not writing for so long, it has been already a week since I returned from my trip to Lisbon. I guess, so far it has all been too "there" for me, still too near to talk about. Maybe it still is, but I'm starting to feel guilty, so here it is - I will try to describe as much as possible of what, where and with whom (using my notes, because otherwise it's all too mixed up in my head)...

DAY 1&2: I got on the bus at 14h30, we got out of Paris about an hour later. At first I thought that I'm lucky and get two seats in my disponsability, but no. They had to stop in Versailles (oh well, at least I can now say I've seen the castle), Tours and Bordeaux to get the bus really full. In the next morning we crossed Portuguese border and I was optimistic, but too early. The last hours were awful - it really takes too long to get across Portugal! (Reminded me of Poland somehow.) Plus the bus driver "forgot" the heating on maximum even though it was warm and sunny. After long-long minutes of torture we finally got to the station of Oriente - the place that later became the most important part of Lisbon (at least to me).

My first impression was - "wow! it's a real city!" Because Oriente is the center of modern arhitecture. But no time to waste on the sightseeing - I had to find the right bus to the right place. It took some time, but with the help of friendly people I finally got where I had to. Everyone were having lunch when I arrived and I already met familiar faces: the sisters, brother Matthew, Hugo, Markus (still looking good:), Marion (Denmark noh), some girls from Madras and permanents from La Morada...

They introduced me to my new roomnabers - some German girls) and together we went to the FIL halls, which are situated behind Oriente and where everything was supposed to take place. They also showed me my home for the next days: a military base, north of Lisbon, where they don't have heating, but the shower is hot and every time you leave, a soldier salutes you. Rather amusing :) Well, it's always good to get new experiences, huh.

In the evening we took the metro to the center (Baixa) for a prayer. We were just on time for the end... In front of a church was formated a mini-meeting of Germans with whom I joyned because they had bread, cheese and wine :) We first went to what they called the "blinking place" because they insisted I should see it. And what a sight it was! A great square and every house was full of little blinking blinking blinking lihgts. Highly unreccomendable for people with epilepsy! But it was funny. Then we headed back on the "blue street" (arc-like decorations under which we walked were intensly blue) and straight to the "coloured place", originally known as Praça do Comerção. The houses were changing colours and in the middle of it there was a statue which played stupid Christmas music. Perfect for a little funny break. It was fun even though I was only with Germans and really tired. A promising start in beautiful and warm Lisbon.

DAY 3 (24/12/04): still one day until they get access to the halls, that means no work. We went sightseeing to an old castle situated on a hill in the middle of Lisbon. In order to get there we had to take the old little tram, which was a real cultural experience! We made two circles with it just to make sure we know where to get out. By the time we got up it was already getting dark and we had a wonderful view on the great ancient city, which is full of blue-yellow tiles and mandarin/lemon trees. Enchanting.

Later we went back to the halls for a prayer and a Christmas dinner. It was small, but nice. Suddenly a girl stepped up to me and said: "Kas sa oled eestlane?" It came out that I wasn't the only Estonian there any more. We talked for a while, went to a churh for the mass and then home to sleep. Christmas don't matter.

DAY 4: absolutely nothing to do and the weather is not looking promising either. I was feeling a bit demoralised, plus started to get annoyed by the fact that I was always surrounded by German people and language. At noon the excitement rose a bit because the permanents arribed from Taizé by buses (two buses - for boys and girls, of course). I was really hoping to see Matthias, a guy I met during the summer, but he wasn't there. Instead of that - to my great and positive surprise - there was Liina, my old schoolmate. The rest of the day passed as it had started - doing nothing and waiting for the next day when first groups were supposed to arrive and my work to start.

DAY 5 (26/12/04): I started at 8 AM, my work was putting up decorations of two prayer halls. We weren't too large of a team, but we had to get everything ready within two days. Let the working-my-ass-of begin! We had to put a lot of orange cloth on the metal constructions and arcs to lift it all under the ceiling. That means tying hundreds of bows, using a lot of tape and being careful not to drop any cloth on the dirty floor.

Happy lunch break became even happier when I discovered that Matthias was there and working in the distribution. But I was still absolutely sure that he will pretend he doesn't know me, as Markus did. To my huge surprise he was really delighted to see me and we spent a couple of minutes chatting. It's always really great to see people you've met before, especially if they were as Nice as the flat-spoon-man :)

After the prayer I continued working until dinner, by that time I was already pretty exhausted. Thanks to "knowing" Matthias I succeeded to blend into the company of permanent boys and we all went out, looking for a place for a nice Portuguese beer. We went all the way up to Bairro Alto, where they have the best places in town. But everyone were too lazy to search for anything special, so we landed in the first place called "Jürgen's" and ordered beer. It was great fun watching the guys taking their first breath of freedom after spending months in a monastary :)

It was great fun and relaxation after a long day, but another one was about to begin, so we said good-bye and went to our lodgement places. By the way, the boys lived in a fire station!

...to be continued...