When I was in 3rd grade (that means about 9 years old) I had this really annoying game. Well, fun for me, but annoying to others that is. The game was simple: sweeping with violent moves repeatedly over the heads of others with a small towel in order to annoy them and mix up their hair. The whole action was accompanied by a simple little song saying "mina ei ole süüdi" (I'm not guilty). As if trying to say to the world that I assume my actions, but I am not responsable for them... or something.
I still sometimes wonder how did my tolerant deskmate manage to bear me throughout the nine years of basic school.
Today, at university, I get quite often the feeling of being somehow out of the context. A weird creature who belongs and at the same time really doesn't. Maybe it's just me wanting to believe that I belong. Or maybe it's me wanting to believe that i'm different... Or both and at the same time.
As my game faded into history (to the gratification of many victims), a groupe (maybe it could even be called a movement) was created among some of my classmates. We called ourselves "nohikud" (the nerds) and we even had our own manifest and a song (which was about how the nerds are not particularly clean and are proud of their appearance). So I was now wondering if that groupe was formed in order to struggle against "the popular ones" (against whom I in later years used the old wisdom of "if you can't fight them, join them") or maybe it was an unconcious manifest of being different. And not WANTING to be, because in basic school nobody wants to be different! Maybe it was just something "just like that" for fun and amusement, behind which there actually is no psychological meaning.
The reason why I started wondering about it was today's History exam. I got this feeling of fatality while writing it. Knowing that I won't make it, but still doing it... Saying to myself that it's not my fault that I can't write things by the right standards and in French.
Therefor I present you:
How To Do The Impossible, lesson 1:
I still sometimes wonder how did my tolerant deskmate manage to bear me throughout the nine years of basic school.
Today, at university, I get quite often the feeling of being somehow out of the context. A weird creature who belongs and at the same time really doesn't. Maybe it's just me wanting to believe that I belong. Or maybe it's me wanting to believe that i'm different... Or both and at the same time.
As my game faded into history (to the gratification of many victims), a groupe (maybe it could even be called a movement) was created among some of my classmates. We called ourselves "nohikud" (the nerds) and we even had our own manifest and a song (which was about how the nerds are not particularly clean and are proud of their appearance). So I was now wondering if that groupe was formed in order to struggle against "the popular ones" (against whom I in later years used the old wisdom of "if you can't fight them, join them") or maybe it was an unconcious manifest of being different. And not WANTING to be, because in basic school nobody wants to be different! Maybe it was just something "just like that" for fun and amusement, behind which there actually is no psychological meaning.
The reason why I started wondering about it was today's History exam. I got this feeling of fatality while writing it. Knowing that I won't make it, but still doing it... Saying to myself that it's not my fault that I can't write things by the right standards and in French.
Therefor I present you:
How To Do The Impossible, lesson 1:
"mina ei ole süüdi!" think it, say it, shout it, believe it, suggest it, want it, exclame it, dare it, declare it, know it, throw it...
10 comments:
je peux pas ouvrir cette page. domage, i'll keep trying.
muidu jah... olen v2sinud. ja t2na on yann tiersen ja siis vel sada muud jooksmist ja mul on kylmetus ja kiirmakaronide tegemine v6tab ikka yheksa minutit mu l6unapausist. v2hemalt p22stab p2eva pesto kaste. halle fucking luuja, mina ei ole syydi!!!!
ho/ho/ho
st nicolas and other stories. kriblasin oma blogi, aga seda tyypi peab laivis n2gema. ta oli imeline, miimika... uhh..
eniveis, j6ulud l2henevad and shit. ma olen ogar ja rahata. j6ulud nagu mullu.
heh.
pole midagi 8elda rohkem.
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bad people happen to things like me
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on sera, mais je pense que oui. je veux bien et tu le sais. donc je dois cherche uu peu de l'information concernant les horaires de trains et des bus et les prix. praegu on n2pp p6hjas, aga j2rgmine neljap2ev tuleb raha ja siis ostan midagi 2ra kui see just 100 euri aller/retour ei ole. eurolines meie arvutis ei avane, 2kki saad ise tsekkida www.eurolines.be... enne esmasp2eva j2rgmist n2dalat
kysima minna ka ei saa, aga rongide kohta kysin varem, ma loodan... ehk et, helistan sinna. neil ju on ajad, aga mitte hinnad. ja on veel mingi ymberistumistega v6imalus l2bi LILLE!!!! ehk et i'll look into it as i sure as hell would like to go. v6id eevat hoiatada!
musi/musi
ja ait2hh spontaanse t6uke eest. je me sens tres inspiree.
enough to drink some tea and eat less tartines.
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i have no house, i have no children, i feel evil
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a house two dogs and a welcome-mat on the door is what i want
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nO!!! I need Paris, p2riselt!!!
k6ndisin t2na pompiduus, k6ndisin t2na montmartril, k6ndisin t2na champs elyseel ja grand palais'. kurat, v2sinud olen, istusin ka triumfikaart ymbritsevas liiklusummikus tunnikese. kurat, pariis on iiiiiiluuuuus. ja ma leidsin sulle midagi n2idata, mis ei ole dada. kuigi olen n6us sinna veelkord minema.
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tegelikult arvan, et asjast saab tore asi ja sinu tusatuju ja masendus ja n8 ennastlahkav monoloog on ajutine. oskan vaid aimata kust selline jutt ja see teeb mind taaskord murelikuks. yldse k6ik teeb. l22nerindel muutusteta.
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koju sain ka tulla ainult sigadekarja juurd, kes meie armsal synnip2evalapsel mitteyhtegi taldrikut pesta ei aidanud ja siis kui k6ik korras ja puhas oli hommikus88ki alustasid, et k88k taas porcherieks muuta. tyra, je sius furieuse. homme pesevad nad mul n6usid k6ik. lisax on meil siin mingi iks-ljuuba saksamaalt ehk palju kutsumata kylalisi. kell on peaaegu kaks, magasin pisut bussis ja eile 88sel mitte p2ris kaineks kahest kuueni.
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tegelikult tundub, et olen ainuke t2iesti vihane inimene siin. asi on mitte stress v6i j6ulustress v6i krooniline rahapuudus ja sakslastele v6lgu olemine vaid vaikse pyhap2eva k2ttesaamatus.
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v6taks k6ik kokku k2ttesaamatusega.
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vastus on Massive Attack, sest jutt k2is muusika sarnasusest, mitte nime k6la.
kysimusest siis kui n2eme ja kui veel huvitab.
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edu sulle kirjutistes ja muus.
ei oska miskit 8elda.
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silm looja.
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bisoux
arvan, et varem on parem. ma v6tan p2eva eniveis vabaks. aga oma piletite osas ma veel ei tea, enn reedet pol aega ostma minna. ma vel ei tea kas rong v6i buss... eelistaksin rongi ja nid on palju, niit vali aeg ja ma vaatan midagi sinna kanti. kas su rong tuleks paris nordi?
nojah. ja eurolines ka veel. eks n2is.
asi olnb ka rahast. st muuseumite asi. pompiduu on 8 euri, picasso, ma ei tea... loodame. ja siis veel dali... uhh, puhh. du sulle sajaga, ma is olen t2iesti nyristunud ja viha mus keeb. ei tea mis viga, aga tyra, vihane olen juba kolmandat p2eva.
just can't wait.
and it's going down with our careers. i feel fucking exploited here. isegi ummistunud kraanikausi parandamise eest peab musi andma. nyyd p88rasin asja ringi. olen musisaaja. nojah. eniveis. eksplotatsiooni juurde tagasi. minu kuu aega ette teatatud vabad p2evad on m6ne juhtiva organi arust vabad 2rakasutamiseks. 6nneks on kaast88j6ud minu poolt. valetasid lausa, et l2hen konsale v6i midagi. heh justiv saab veel mitu sokki nne j6ule, kui mu jaanuarist ja veebruarist kuuleb. n6me, kui eeldatakse, et ma kogu aeg siin ja kohal olen. kaast88j6ule on see minu juhtum hea v6imalus pointi teha, sest neil on samu probleeme.
tobe. olen igaljuhul frustreritud.
kas just pariis p22stab, ei tea... mul on 6 metroo piletit. saame kaks yhele teha... muidu on rahaga kitsas. juba enne selle k2ttesaamist , on mul se p6him6ttelislt otsas. kui haige see on?????
voila.
ehk tulen ikka bussiga, sest nii saab odavam. all coms down to money anyway.
kusje
alors, chkkisin kaardti, gallieni on metroo nr3 l6ppjaam kusagil pariisi 22rs. kuhu sinu teema j6uab, mul nagu 2hmaselt meenub, et sa ytlesid, aga ma ei leia seda kohta enam yles, kus see kirjas oli. niiet ytle uuesti... siis teeme kindlaks t2psema asjade k2igu ehk meeting pointi. esk8 nuus doavons portera kelk8schoos puur Eeva... dy schokolaa!!!??? Faro? it vuld bi naiss. k6ik ideed on teretulnud. okei, niiet kirjuta mulle!!!
musi
niiet 2kki saaks kuskilt hankida eeva telefoninrit. tiina k2est. sest muidu kisub asi kriitiliseks. ma usun, et ta on n6us kui ta sllel ajal pariisis on... aga nojah. kas sul ei ole ta mobla nrit...
mul ka v2ike paanika...
t2na naudin oma vaba p2eva. homme olen ka vaba. aga nii udu on olla, et t2itsa l6ppp... sittagi ei saa aru sellest elust. j6in liiga kange kohvi.
anna siis teada.
eks sa ise tead, c\est ta vie... ma hian p8ialt ja nojah, varbaid kah. ise olen t88stressis juba peale kahte t88p2va, ilse paugu pani postiteel saabunud HP, mida ma nyyd kogu aeg loen. ja ausalt, mulle l2heb see light entertainmnt peale. kuigi jah, ma veel ei tea kes k6ik surema hakkavad. jne.
ootasin ja kardsi, et on halvem, aga mind j2tkuvalt fastsinerib,voila
head 6nne.
aga ma ju kirjutasin juba... eniveis, ma jah ikka l2hen. l88n traditsiooniliselt viimase vast saadud raha laiaks... ja mitt yksi vaid neljakesi, minu kaks kaaskannatajat siit ja norra kutt. vanaaasta6tul l2hevad hullud m6tted peale. kolm inimest kauplseid minu p2rast t88lt lahti ja maksavad hullu raha. 88bime noorthostellis, aga nimi on mega woodstockhostel... hehe. loodan, et saab pisutki p6nev olema. tuleb turistikas rohke viniga ilmselt. its/its
aga sa kirjuta, kuidas ja mis bordel, in th french sense i hope.
mina olin nagu ikka tasemel uuesl aastal. siis kirjutan sulle kui sa mulle kirjutad. sa oled mulle hullult siseinfot v6lgu, ma juba muretsesin!
kalli ja hoia k6va
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