I've Been Thinking

I've been thinking about my life lately. Not about those silly/depressing old things like "where will I be a year from now?" or “how can I start an independent life?” No, more like “what’s the most enjoyable way I could make my dreams come true?”
I’ve noticed lately that dreams have a tendency to come true. You just have to want it bad enough. It just has to be something that’s right for you in the inexplicable long-term way. Dreams start coming true once you’ve got on the right destiny-tracks. It’s just about being on the right boat and let it take you wherever it’s going. I know that it sometimes feels you’re not on the right boat at all, but I guess all these “life is a flower”-moments are meant to emphasize the good stuff in life. Yeah, it’s the positive thinking bull. The safest way to get through it all is just let it flow.
Maybe dreams are actually our visions of future? Once you relax, stop thinking and panicking about all the floweriness and just let your feet take you forward on the track, your mind is freed from worrying about what was and what will be so it’s getting clearer images of what is waiting up ahead. Maybe we can actually see the coming events, but our mind twists it all into the impression that we’re imagining it (dreaming of it).
So anyways, maybe I should just sit back and relax and try not to think myself crazy about the technical part. I have an indistinct image in my mind, so I must not try to get it clear before the right time. I trust into the Whatever It Is that’s stronger than my conscious mind – I make a wish… ‘Cause in the end – all those loose ends always seem to run together at some point, even if you didn’t imagine they ever would.
Now I’m not saying that my future will be whatever I wish it would. I’m not claiming that I have any idea what so ever of what tomorrow will bring. It’s just that I’m not bothering myself with that as much any more. Tomorrow is always better as certainly as A is A, so why doubt it?

Taizé Lisboa 2004

First of all, I must deeply appologise for not writing for so long, it has been already a week since I returned from my trip to Lisbon. I guess, so far it has all been too "there" for me, still too near to talk about. Maybe it still is, but I'm starting to feel guilty, so here it is - I will try to describe as much as possible of what, where and with whom (using my notes, because otherwise it's all too mixed up in my head)...

DAY 1&2: I got on the bus at 14h30, we got out of Paris about an hour later. At first I thought that I'm lucky and get two seats in my disponsability, but no. They had to stop in Versailles (oh well, at least I can now say I've seen the castle), Tours and Bordeaux to get the bus really full. In the next morning we crossed Portuguese border and I was optimistic, but too early. The last hours were awful - it really takes too long to get across Portugal! (Reminded me of Poland somehow.) Plus the bus driver "forgot" the heating on maximum even though it was warm and sunny. After long-long minutes of torture we finally got to the station of Oriente - the place that later became the most important part of Lisbon (at least to me).

My first impression was - "wow! it's a real city!" Because Oriente is the center of modern arhitecture. But no time to waste on the sightseeing - I had to find the right bus to the right place. It took some time, but with the help of friendly people I finally got where I had to. Everyone were having lunch when I arrived and I already met familiar faces: the sisters, brother Matthew, Hugo, Markus (still looking good:), Marion (Denmark noh), some girls from Madras and permanents from La Morada...

They introduced me to my new roomnabers - some German girls) and together we went to the FIL halls, which are situated behind Oriente and where everything was supposed to take place. They also showed me my home for the next days: a military base, north of Lisbon, where they don't have heating, but the shower is hot and every time you leave, a soldier salutes you. Rather amusing :) Well, it's always good to get new experiences, huh.

In the evening we took the metro to the center (Baixa) for a prayer. We were just on time for the end... In front of a church was formated a mini-meeting of Germans with whom I joyned because they had bread, cheese and wine :) We first went to what they called the "blinking place" because they insisted I should see it. And what a sight it was! A great square and every house was full of little blinking blinking blinking lihgts. Highly unreccomendable for people with epilepsy! But it was funny. Then we headed back on the "blue street" (arc-like decorations under which we walked were intensly blue) and straight to the "coloured place", originally known as Praça do Comerção. The houses were changing colours and in the middle of it there was a statue which played stupid Christmas music. Perfect for a little funny break. It was fun even though I was only with Germans and really tired. A promising start in beautiful and warm Lisbon.

DAY 3 (24/12/04): still one day until they get access to the halls, that means no work. We went sightseeing to an old castle situated on a hill in the middle of Lisbon. In order to get there we had to take the old little tram, which was a real cultural experience! We made two circles with it just to make sure we know where to get out. By the time we got up it was already getting dark and we had a wonderful view on the great ancient city, which is full of blue-yellow tiles and mandarin/lemon trees. Enchanting.

Later we went back to the halls for a prayer and a Christmas dinner. It was small, but nice. Suddenly a girl stepped up to me and said: "Kas sa oled eestlane?" It came out that I wasn't the only Estonian there any more. We talked for a while, went to a churh for the mass and then home to sleep. Christmas don't matter.

DAY 4: absolutely nothing to do and the weather is not looking promising either. I was feeling a bit demoralised, plus started to get annoyed by the fact that I was always surrounded by German people and language. At noon the excitement rose a bit because the permanents arribed from Taizé by buses (two buses - for boys and girls, of course). I was really hoping to see Matthias, a guy I met during the summer, but he wasn't there. Instead of that - to my great and positive surprise - there was Liina, my old schoolmate. The rest of the day passed as it had started - doing nothing and waiting for the next day when first groups were supposed to arrive and my work to start.

DAY 5 (26/12/04): I started at 8 AM, my work was putting up decorations of two prayer halls. We weren't too large of a team, but we had to get everything ready within two days. Let the working-my-ass-of begin! We had to put a lot of orange cloth on the metal constructions and arcs to lift it all under the ceiling. That means tying hundreds of bows, using a lot of tape and being careful not to drop any cloth on the dirty floor.

Happy lunch break became even happier when I discovered that Matthias was there and working in the distribution. But I was still absolutely sure that he will pretend he doesn't know me, as Markus did. To my huge surprise he was really delighted to see me and we spent a couple of minutes chatting. It's always really great to see people you've met before, especially if they were as Nice as the flat-spoon-man :)

After the prayer I continued working until dinner, by that time I was already pretty exhausted. Thanks to "knowing" Matthias I succeeded to blend into the company of permanent boys and we all went out, looking for a place for a nice Portuguese beer. We went all the way up to Bairro Alto, where they have the best places in town. But everyone were too lazy to search for anything special, so we landed in the first place called "Jürgen's" and ordered beer. It was great fun watching the guys taking their first breath of freedom after spending months in a monastary :)

It was great fun and relaxation after a long day, but another one was about to begin, so we said good-bye and went to our lodgement places. By the way, the boys lived in a fire station!

...to be continued...

Back In Paris

My first destination, as soon as I took my heavy bag to Eeva's place was - bien sur - Montmartre. The circus shop, to be exact... After getting (almost) all the necessary items, I ran around the small streets, looking for all the familiar places: where we celebrated getting our diabolos and did a small depressionism-graffity (which was gone, unfortunately); the corner of Marco's birthday and the garden that we used as a toilet :) All such wonderful memories, too bad that I'm all alone this time..
In the evening Eeva invited me to her friend's place for a dinner. It was in a cool apartment with a view on half of Paris (including the flashing Tour Eiffel), our company talked in half French, half Estonian. Anyway, it was great to see how people live in Paris. I must admit that at the beginning of my arrival I wasn't at all sure if I wanted to live here any more - it's all so huge and noisy and full of curious people. I guess I've got too used to the peaceful village-life in Strasbourg. After one day here I decided that I wouldn't mind living here for a while. In the end - this is The City of Central Europe!
This morning I had some difficulties finding motivation to get up and out. But beer did the thing: I went to Eevas work (which is the Estonian embassy, situated right next to Champs Elysées) because they had some Estonian beer left from their Christmas party. Then I decided to go and see a photo exhibition, but it was closed when I got there (never try to visit museums on Mondays ans Tuesdays!). Of course Eeva had given me instructions for more museums to see, but I gave up on that one and headed towards "our place of enlightenment" - Centre Pompidou. As soon as I got there, a nice bohemian-looking guy stepped up to me to promote some D.I.Y. books. His description sounded very interesting, so I bought one of the books, even though it's in French. The museum of modern art was most naturally closed as well, so all there was left to do was shopping. I remembered from the last time that all the coolest shops (and not too expensive) were around Pompidou and Les Halles and I was right! Of course, even if I would have had lots of money I wouldn't have shopped my brains out there, but it was nice to look around either way. There were a lot of piercing&tattoo shops with very pierced/tattooed salesguys; there were a lot of shirts with "anarchy" or "Nirvana" signs (woo-hoo); there were too many hip-hop/skater stores selling too large trousers and huge shoelaces. The most fascinatng shop I found was Doc Marten's where the customers could get some cool adjustments done to their new boots for a little extra money. Actually too much money, considering that any more or less artistic person could do it themselves.
*Some ideas for boot-owners: take an extra pair of boot laces (recommendably in cool colour) and tie them around the back of your boots, attaching them to the front laces. You can also use your imagination and attach different cloth (in the store they had different pieces sewn together, which looked pretty good) to the side of a boot, again using another pair of laces (just make enough holes in the cloth). Plus there is always the possibility to pull some strechy material over or tie things around the boots. It changes a bit their appearance and makes an old boring boot look more flashy, stylish and almost as new. I hope the tips were useful, just don't start doing these things for money!*
We all know how much energy shopping takes, so by the evening I was feeling quite tired and frozen. But sitting in the subway I decided to still go and see the Eiffel tower - purely out of guilt. I made my compulsory photos and sat down on a park bench to drink a bottle of A Le Coq when suddenly it started flashing again: the whole tower is covered with lights that nictitate like crazy assholes all over the place. I don't reccomend this sight to people with epilepsy! For some time I watched that huge christmastree syndrome from the reflection on my beer bottle, but soon I got too cold and bored, so I left as quickly as possible.
Now I am back in the a bit uheated but comfy Eeva's place. Tomorrow morning I will take my huge backpack and get on a bus to spend there a whole great day (24h), but I guess seeing Lisbon is worth all the suffering. Until next revisions, salut from Paris!

Smilers "Kõrvuni sees"

Weird French Stuff

I've been in France for long enough now to be able to comment on some of the typical or not so typical things that French people do/are:

The Meals

Breakfast normally consists of baguette (long bread), which you eat with butter and jam (we insisted for some cheese too); orange juice and coffee/tea. And on special days they give us croissants (which are way too sweet!).

Lunch they have at noon, it consists of at least three courses: salad or something light, then follows the main meal. The funny thing is that they often eat fish and chips, which is actually British. There always has to be some kind of meat in the meal (and most of the time it does not look like real meat). Third course (and that I find most bizarre) is cheese with fruit and/or a dessert. And of course coffee! I don't think I have yet met a frenchy who does not drink coffee. Addicts! The dinner is normally as large as the lunch, so in my opinion - French people really eat a lot, but they're all still slim as toothpicks! I don't get it!

The Shit

One of my readers just made a remark about Tallin being the town of dogshit. Well, I can say: definitely not! Seriously, it can be really difficult to avoid stepping into poop of different colours, substances and odours on the streets of Srasbourg! It's everywhere and nobody even considers cleaning after their dog! In fact - I'm suspecting that they let dogs "do their thing" right in the middle of the street on purpose, I have no idea why tho... It looks awful and it smells even worse! French people should learn from the Danish about their dog business!

Oui & Ouais

This one is for Maiu here. I remember how we were making fun of the French who said "ouais". It seemed to us like some down-sound (maybe because we first heard it from Ming) and ruining the beautiful French "oui"... Well, I must admit that I get the point of it now and really can't avoid using it myself daily. In order to explain to Miu: "ouais" is like the English version of "yeah", which I think is slang that became a part of everyday speech. Noone pays attention to it, not even me any more. Man, it would drive me crazy if I did!!! :)

Shopping Madness On Saturdays

Somehow French people have this (to me) weird habit to buy everything they need for the coming week on one day. Of course it is probably caused by other days being workdays and because everything is closed on Sundays. That one I still don't get! When will the Europeans understand that the best day for shopping is Sunday and the best time - a late evening!!! Sheesh!

La Bière

It seems that local people are quite proud of the famous Alsacian beer "Kroenenburg". I think they actually find it good! The only good thing about the tiny bottles is that they're easy to open and there's a little magical sign that appears when the beer is cold enough. But it tastes like nothing, or to put more correctly - like just a THING. In order to compare it is probably more or less like Frederik pilsner or President. That should say enough.

The Work

Does not seem to touch the French. Or at least that is the impression that foreign people often get here: they take their time doing things, take even more time enjoying their breaks and so on. Of course they would immediately argue on that one, but the fact that French people have an incurable habit to always be late is long proven and undeniable.

Noël à Strasbourg

Christmas spirit is in it's highest in France. At least for the locals or so it seems... They even changed the schoolbell to a "Jingle Bells" theme (no, actually it's not too horrible. I find it amusing :).
The city streets are covered with lights, there are concerts in every church and all the small and large squares have turned into lively Marché de Noël. Little downtown houses are overwhelmed by the campy-kitsch decorations. And in the middle of the city there is a huge Christmas tree, covered with millions of little lights. It all looks quite impressive, compared to what nordically modest Tallinn looked like!
Walking around town is extra nice at this time and I guess now is the best time for visiting Strasbourg. The markets are a sight on its own already because they sell all kinds of craftworks imaginable. There you can find jewelry, decorations, souvenirs, candies, teas, candles, clothing, books etc. And if it's too cold and you start feeling hungry then you can recharge your energy at a crepe-booth. Pancakes with any filling you could think of and a little vin chaud (hot wine) to make the blood flow again.
I try to profit out of it as much as possible and get some Christmas spirit into me. I even went to a concert yesterday. They were singing all the classical X-mas songs in a church. It reminded me of going to church on Christmas evening with my relatives when I was small. Aww, isn't that sweet! After that I got the compulsory cup of wine and made a little circle on the market. But still no sign of the real "spirit" that usually strikes me every year while doing gift-shopping... I guess it's because of the lack of snow and sentimentally romantic movies and crusty cold and - what I miss the most - verivorst (black pudding they call it)... I looked for it, but I guess I might as well go around looking for black bread or kohuke. French people, what can you do!
But before leaving to Lisbon (and that means switching to bread and canfood, not that I mind) I still plan to have a little festive Christmas dinner with me myself and I because one must retain the good-old traditions. And mind you my dear readers - a Christmas dinner ALONE is my tradition of several years now. I'm content!

And the song is very inappropriate for my current situation: "Let It Snow"