Conquering The Staid Germany

There is a documentary film festival going on in Leipzig and two of my friends are also there, presenting their spectacular work, so I packed my stuff to go and see them.

DAY 1: I wake up early in the morning to catch a bus to Kehl and take the train. Two changes: in Offenburg and Frankfurt (yay! I have theoretically been to Frankfurt now :). The last part of the trip was exhaustingly long. But the last two minutes were the worst though...

But I'm finally in Leipzig - there is a "welcome committee" waiting for me at the station with bratwurst and Becherovka (some alcohol). The situation is very funny and I'm glad to meet my friends after a long while again. We hurry on to the cinema, where their film is being shown 'cause they have to present it and answer some questions, I'm supposed to be their interpreter (not that they need one or anything). On our way there they tell me that they have become infamous among the film-festival people and everyone is whispering: "Have you met the two Estonians already?"... I'm not surprised, considering their festival traditions... these guys are just crazy! We try to watch a movie together, but it doesn't pan out too well. A lot of distractions. We take my baggage to the hotel and after that go to a party where they give free food and drinks and there are loads of important documentary-people. My friends ask every girl they meet to show them her belly-button, but are almost always refused. Non of us really ever understood why...

DAY 2: Let's start the day by getting the eggs roll (that means having breakfast in the hotel). There is some stupid pointless panel forum taking place this morning where the guys have to participate as well to give more comments on their film and answer more questions... I am again forced to be the interpreter, which means I sit behind a table with a bunch of film-people in front of an audience and do nothing (there was no need for my translation skills). Pheew, that one went well. I bet they were all wondering what the hell is that red-headed girl doing there :) Tired of being in the centre of attention and interrogations and having to listen to a whole bunch of pointless crap, we grab a few wines and go to enjoy somewhat more primal culture: to the zoo! But seeing a flock of horny macaques finally does it for us. We head to eat an absurd Chinese duck and then back to the cinema again. A diligent German security guy refuses to let me in even though I am The Indispensable Interpreter of the Estonian delegation. After having a word with the bosses he finally comes to his senses and I'm in da house...

Let the closing ceremony of the festival begin: lots of speeches; giving out awards; one girl started crying on the stage; I'm sleepy; award to some handicapped guy; he plays cello and everyone are oh so touched; more awards for the disabled guy; I'm still feeling sleepy; they bring on the orchestra... what happened next I do not know because I was sleeping. Oh well... Afterwards there's a closing party with free food and drinks. Food is great, but give me more alcohol! I find myself suddenly dumped by my friends who are all consolidating relations with the important film-people. I decide to check out the cool-looking photographer. He is fun to hang out with for a while (I wish I could remember what we were talking about, it seemed an interesting conversation :S). When I get back together with my friends it comes out that they have not been wasting time in the meanwhile - they had noticed an award lying around without any invigilation or any owners what so ever. So they just shoved it into their bag. Unfortunately we still had to give away the stolen prize. Too bad. It would have been a good souvenir :)

DAY 3: Tired and hungover. We leave the hotel and Leipzig behind to see what's new in Berlin. Our hostess there is a girl we met at the festival, she was very nice. We wonder around the city that is - as they say - known to be the metropolis of underground culture and find nothing interesting. Eventually we do come across a kino-bar situated in an old squat-looking house where you can see experimental videos that are projected on a huge white wall across the yard by just looking out of the window. Not a bad idea. I also wanted/planned to meet my friend Joe whom I met this summer, but after long wondering on town, everyone is way too tired to go anywhere but to sleep. Sorry Joe!

DAY 4: I'm more tired than ever and now I must leave. Goodbyes. Long trainride. Finally back in rainy Strasbourg. I kind of wish I would have gone back to Tallinn instead with my friends. Seeing people I know makes me feel a bit homesick. But as Johnny Rotten once said: whatcha gonna do about it...

mu armas depressioon (viimase kahe päeva märkmeid)

/.../ 27 tundi ja kümme minutit veel jäänud töötada. Njah, olen omadega juba niikaugele jõudnud, et loen tunde nädala lõpuni, sest siis tuleb õnnis vaheaeg. On alles esmaspäev... Jama seisneb aga selles, et kui ma juba tunde loen, siis ei tähenda see head. Tähendab, et see töö ei ole minu teema - see hakkab ennast ammendama. Täielik tüdimus on tulekul ja sealt pole kaugel ka masendus. /.../ Ma pigem vedeleks oma mõnusalt vaikses toas, vahiks lakke ja naudiks kordki rahulikku üksindust...

/.../ Olen laisk, mis teha. See on juba ammu tõestatud fakt, et mulle ei istu graafikupõhine töö: ole kohal kell 8:00; paus ühest kaheni; lõpetad sekundipealt kell kuus. Mõttetu! Oleks siis töögi huvitav.. või no vähemalt enamat kui vaimselt mittemidagipakkuv. Tahan teha midagi loomingulist, tahan valida ise, kellega ja millal täpselt töötan. Magada kümneni, võtta asja stressivabalt ja tegeleda loominguga peale päikeseloojangut. Või vastupidi... Tahan, et mind ümbritseks inspireeriv seltskond (mu kallid sõbrad!) Tahan teha midagi, millel on nähtav (või vähemalt a i m a t a v) tulemus! Tahan tunda liikumist, progressi... õppida, õppida, õppida! Aga seda mitte igavates tundides/loengutes vaid töö käigus, suheldes inimestega jne. Tahan liiga palju? Tahan võimatut? Hmm... ehk tõesti. Aga kuskil on ju ometi keegi, kes teeb nii. Miks ei võiks minagi? Kohe praegu, mitte kunagi tulevikus. Ma ei usu sellesse enam - homme EI OLE parem! Miks, miks ei võiks juba täna parem olla? Homset pole ju olemas, sest see on alati homme. Niiet ma tahan TÄNA! Tahan kohe praegu midagi paremat, mõttekamat, lõbusamat. /.../

Mul on stress: olen vihane ja väsinud, ma ei talu seda kohta, ma ei talu neid inimesi. Olen vangis. Talumatu. Ärge tulge minu lähedale, ärge küsige, miks ma alati nii tõsine olen! Miks peab vangilt nõudma naeratust? Või on siin nende arvates lõbus?
1 tund ja 26 minutit veel. Tänaseks. 20 tundi ja 25 minutit veel. Selleks nädalaks. Seitse nädalat on möödas, 29 tuleb veel. Ma ei pea vastu! Kerin mõttes aega edasi: vaheaeg, Andres, Tolk, Berliin; Rainar; sessioon novembris; Kribu, jõulud Lissabonis... Selle aasta lõpuni veel elushoidjaid on... Ja siis? Kunagi tuleb suvi, tuleb! Ma ei tohi projekti katkestada! Appi!
Meenub sarnane situatsioon sellest suvest, ainult tookord ei hoidnud mind kinni ükski ületamatu asjaolu. Bougival: töö, masendus, elu mõttetus ja sellest pääsemine. Totaalne vabadus. Kus on mu vabadus nüüd? Kus on Vilbur?
Ma olen nii väsinud... nii-nii väsinud...
Depressioon...

Tired But Happy

Today I thought it's been too long since I hadn't gone abroad. So I took my bike and went to Germany, to Kehl to be exact (doh, where else in Germany could I go by bike, Berlin!?). It is a pretty long ride, but considering the fact that we (Maiu, Rainar & me) walked the same distance in August carrying our dreadfully heavy sacks, it was a rather nice little outing. And it was fun to see familiar places that brought back memories of our great trip: the road that was under construction (and still is); the bridge, under which we finished our Taizé pasta leftovers; the place where we tried to hitchhike with no luck for quite a while; the sign that said there is one more kilometer until the German border, when I thought I couldn't walk another step; the Pont Europe with a poem by Kaplinski (I was too tired to read it back then); the stone where we rested and poured some ice tea on it... Oh, those were the days. I suddenly felt really sorry I didn't have to go to Karlsruhe or Baden-Baden at the moment. It felt like I could leave my bike by the road and just go... Oh well.
The actual reason for my trip was that I had to buy a train ticket because I'm going to Germany the next weekend. It was the most expensive train ticket I have ever bought and that's just because I'm afraid to get lost in a 15h/6 changes-trip that would have cost me three times less. Najah. After getting rid of my money I went to the European park where there are lots of playgrounds for kids and also posts with the colours of every EU country's flag. There I sat down for a while, drank the cheapest beer (in order to celebrate my ticket or something like that) and see-sawed right between Estonian and Finnish posts. And suddenly it felt as if home is not so far away after all...
Speaking of which: yesterday I received the second package from home. It was rather heavy and contained lots of goodies. I must admit - unpacking the bottle of Originaal brought a little tear of joy to my eyes... It's just so beautiful!!! Now I am waiting for a special occasion to open it because I don't want to "waste it". And the sweetest thing ever is that mom sent me some home-made pickles :). Now I'm happy because I have my beer, my ticket, my friends (somewhere out there), my books and some more mail coming from home. Who needs money anyway!?!

Coldplay "The Scientist"

I'm Addicted

I'm doing pretty good, thanks for asking! Never mind the weather (it's getting colder here).
This Tuesday I finally took together all my courage and went to talk to the coolest guy in school. He plays the Devil Stick very well and I told him I'd very much like to learn it too. So he let me try it a bit and promised to teach me some stuff. And I'll teach him Diabolo because there will soon be a huge juggling-diabolo atelier started by me and Steffi (huge because I heard that a lot of people are interested in it). And the same evening, one of the students showed me the trick for juggling with three balls, which I thought I could never possibly learn. But inspired by the starting atelier I took myself together and practiced, practiced, practiced and - believe it or not - I'm starting to get it! Now I'm addicted to the balls (besides my Diabolo), plus I discovered that they have the whole circus equipment here with balls, diabolos, devil sticks, other juggling stuff and an unicycle (!). And I'm going to learn how to use all of them!!! I think that this is it - the purpose of my voluntary year, not some youthwork-blah or filmmaking with lousy programs (that one I'd rather do when I get back home) :)
Yesterday evening all the animators were invited to Olivier's place for a friendly dinner. It was lots of fun because most of the guys I work with are really great. We ate some typical Alsacian food and drank a lot, talked and laughed. Keiko was pretty drunk by the end of the evening and Steffi was laughing non stop (I just love the way she laughs - it's so funny and catching). That made everyone else laugh too, so all of us had abdominal cramps and tears bursting from eyes about every two minutes. We should do these things more often! It seems to me that we're all starting to get along better and Strasbourg is becoming homier to me. And that is a good thing.
Today I got a package from home, which means stuff (I love stuff:) AND - Tiina candies!!! Jay! If I'm lucky, I'll get one more package tomorrow and that one is even better, cause it contains nothing less than Saku Originaal! I can't wait to even just hold it in my hands... Mmmm...
And after one week we will have the school vacation! And that's just the best thing ever because I'll finally get to rest a bit, which will definitely not mean sleeping and doing nothing. I'd rather say it is promising to be an active recreation - meeting people combined with maybe some traveling and drinking and definitely party-party-party! :D Sounds pretty damn nice to me.

Here's a little question to my dear readers: at some point I will have to make a traditional Estonian meal for the other volunteers here (we already had Chinese, German and Spanish). Give me some easy-tasty-cheap ideas please! Desert is mandatory!

And the song that might be actual at the moment is Smilers "Sinust ma mööda ei saa" but from the other gender's point of view ;)

I don't want to say anything mean, but...

Remember I mentioned about Anna being boring? Man was I wrong! I'd rather say ignorant, stuffy, inficete, nerd-pedant who just REALLY needs to loosen up a bit, stop thinking, trying to be nice (perfect even) and start living. Ah, hell! She just seriously needs to get laid :D
She's become the new subject for me and Marvin since the stupidity of Keiko is not all that amusing any more... Anna is so moral, boring, way too nice, boring, naive and did I mention boring! She's nineteen years old and has no idea of life. When we were having dinner together she didn't know how to eat shrimp nor what is soya sauce (that's just a crime for a person who's trying to be healthy). She didn't know what's tango like or what is the point of yoga. She always asks these annoyingly stupid questions like: "Yoga is a part of Buddhism, so can I do it if my religion is different? I guess God will forgive me, or what do you think?" or: "Would it be normal if I would kiss a guy that I don't really know and don't want a relationship with?".
Anna is the reason why I'm beginning to see what Xavier ment by the "German sence of humour". So far, the people I've met have contradicted the general belief, but her... A few days ago she said: "I often make jokes, but somehow noone laughs? I wonder why. It's probably because of the language..." Ha-hah! I had to really clench my teeth not to laugh and say that it's just cause she's German :D
She hasn't done anything in her life; it seems as if she's just lived in a cocoon of wellbeing; dreaming of clouds, flowers and unicorns. I have no idea how she got here, considering her inexistent level of independence! I suspect that her plan was to get away from home and throughout the year become a new person - from noone to someone. And she's trying so hard! She is a healthfreak ("you shouldn't eat junk food!"); a nature-saver ("don't waste so much water while washing dishes!"); a nerd ("do you need any help?"); a religious-wannabe (see the Buddhism-part) and a veeeery moral good little girl. But it is obvious that she's sometimes helplessly trying to change, to be a "bad girl": using inappropriate swearwords, going to parties, considering kissing random guys (omg!) etc - I know a cry for help when I see one.
In September she fell in love with some guitar playing guy, they met on her first EVS session, so now she's trying to learn how to play it too. Which basically consists of her playing the same song (Portishead "Roads") over and over and OVER again. It seems just so absurd that she has no idea of anything related to guys: she has asked Marvin for "manly advice", sort of confided into him, telling about her inexperience. Things like: "what's kissing like?" or "what's it like to be in a relationship?"... She has never even been to a nightclub and once she asked me if I could do her make-up sometimes before going out 'cause she - surprisingly enough - doesn't know how to. She probably had never even tasted alcohol before coming here... The poor child!
Sounds unbelievable? It is! And very disturbing too. But today she conclusively put herself into my "black list". Here's why: I got back from my night trip at about 11AM, tired and headachking, dreaming of a few peaceful hours in bed. As soon as my head touched the pillow she started practicing her violin and although she plays it better than the guitar, repeating the same damn thing 57 times and playing the same notes for 2,5 hours is tedious even without a hangover! Any ideas on what to do with her?